When the Rage Finally Left

 Hello Blogger Fam!

This blog post is going to be real and raw emotion!

I know that I am not perfect but I don't need you to fix me when my world is falling apart. I just need you to listen and to be there to catch the pieces when they fall and the tears don't stop. Even the deadly silent ones that no-one ever sees because I am always the one who is there for everyone because that is who my mom raised me to be! Someone people can depend on and to be there for them when they need a friend! I have a friend and anytime her life gets hard she comes to me because I am the stable one and the one who is always there and always will be!  

The past two weeks I have have such rage in my body! I have been so angry! I mean ANGRY! I haven't had this much rage in years. It was like something was inside of me telling me I wasn't good enough, I didn't matter and no one cared. Something was controlling me! What hurt the most was the person I wanted to call that I knew they would come because they were closest to where I was, wasn't home the tears fell the anger and rage still was there until I finally broke and was honest with not only myself but with others as well. I am not perfect nor will I ever be! 

I am just one person! I can't do it anymore I can do my job and no one else's. I know that being in the middle of nowhere everyone wears many hats but I broke and that was the end of me! My students got the wrath, my parents got it everyone got it. I didn't want to be fixed I just wanted someone to sit in the middle of my floor with me while I screamed with everything I had to let it go! I held on to it for so long I was done I didn't think I could make it another day. I had to pray with everything I had to get out of bed. I just wanted to stay in my bed and not face the world because it seemed to hard it seemed so dark I couldn't see. It was so dark I couldn't find the light in the darkness. I couldn't see the stars. I couldn't see the moon. Nothing was there it was so dark my soul was lost and I didn't think that pain was ever going to leave and then someone said something and then something came out of my mouth that should have not left but it did I  showed people I am human! 

I am a human and I sometimes my world comes crashing down and it has been so hard for me until someone said we need to take care of our own! The moment I heard that the rage left, the anger left and for once I finally felt safe and back to normal. I still had some anger but not the kind where I had to plead with my father in heaven to lift me out of bed and get me ready for work. 

I went to my homeward Christmas party and someone asked me how I was and I said with all seriousness, I got myself out of bed and got dressed on my own today and I don't want to die. They laughed and said good answer but what they didn't know was it was the truth! This was first time in weeks that I could get out of my bed on my own and not have to pray to get out of it! 

I can't tell you where the rage or anger came from but I can tell you it hurt! I hope to never feel it again that bad. I couldn't move I had no control and I know that some of the choices I wanted to make would change my life for the worse and it would ruin my families life. 

Check on your people! We need to take care of our own! You never know the battle they are fighting you never know when they just need someone to sit with them on the floor and listen to them cry and scream as loud as they can. Where I live is a very lonely place if you are single and not in the click. You have to understand that if you are an outsider and are terrified of animals you don't matter here. Which never occurred to me until as a late as I have lost control of my life, rage and anger took over. I finally have taken back over! I found happiness again. I found the calm in the silence. I can see the light, moon and the stars. Life isn't as hard as it was but it is still. Remember check on your people take are of your own! 

Always remember if you need me I will be there! I got you! 

I’m off to my next adventure.

When life gets too hard, drink a Coke and go for a run.
And if you can’t do that—pray with everything you have.
Don’t forget to pray. He is always there, and sometimes that’s all we have.

Until next time—peace out, Cub Scout.
Work hard, play harder, and run your heart out.
Keep the faith.

Over and out.

Valuable Lesson Learned that day

Hello Blogger Fam!

I need to share what is in my heart! ❤️ I am so grateful for my fingers and I am sure you are thinking that is so random what does this have to do with anything well this summer I learned what it was like to not be able to use your fingers. 

On Memorial Day my grandpa fell and fractured vertebrae number 4 mind you he is in his 90’s. He was in the hospital so my dad was commuting back and forth to be with him. School got out I still worked at the bakery. First week of summer I had a sweet work schedule mind you my boss at the bakery is so awesome! I had Friday off and went paddle boarding with my friend. My dad took me with him to see my grandpa and my friend picked me up and then we went paddle boarding and ate lunch and ran errands. It was a great day she took me back to where my grandpa was staying and then I drove my dad and I home. I worked Saturday and went to see my grandpa little did I know that would be my last day of work this summer. 

Sunday came and my friend and I had talked about going to her singles ward because my dad was going to my grandpas to be with him in the rehab place. I said no I don’t want to go I felt uneasy about it and then my dad said let’s go. So I showered and got ready and off we went. Dropped my dad off and went to my friends house. I rang the doorbell she let me in and then I got the potatoes in the roaster pan the kind you plug into the wall while she was having a meeting. I also got ready for church and then we went to church. Church was good. I saw the cute boys that she liked and talked to some friends from when I was in the singles ward down there. 

We go back to her house after church and finish the potatoes but you will never guess what happened next. I went to move one of the roaster pans of potatoes. Well, I moved it and then the worst thing happened the STEAM burned my fingers not just one but 5 of them and I didn't drop the pan I saved the potatoes but my fingers got the burns and I mean it was pain I have never felt before in my life. It hurt so bad and I really thought they were going to have to cut my fingers off. I drove to where my dad was  longest 30 minutes of my life and then my aunt took me to the Instacare and they took my pulse on my ear. The doctor came in and looked at me, looked at my fingers and said I need to talk to the burn unit.  The moment she said the burn unit I knew it was bad. She came and took pictures and then came back and said they are going to have to cut the blister off and wrap them. Nurse Ali came in and was so kind and took care of my fingers. Once my fingers were cleaned and wrapped she sent us with a bag and instructions of how to do it. 

The next day I called the burn clinic and made an appointment and we went and they gave us other things to wrap my fingers with. The first thing I asked the doctor at the burn clinic was if I could go on Splash mountain as we were going on family vacation that Sunday. 

I want to thank the the kind doctor and nurse at the Instacare, the nurse and doctor at the burn clinic. I also want to thank the kind flight attendant who opened my snacks and gave me a whole cane of coke and to the kind lady in the Disneyland bathroom who helped me wash my hands as it was quite a thing because I couldn't get my bandages wet. 

My fingers have since healed but I have red marks where the burns were. I am upset this happen no was it hard yes but it was something that I needed in my life to become a better person and to understand my students better. I am so grateful not that my fingers got burned but that I learned to be grateful for the things I have. I am so thankful for my fingers and for everyone who was there to help me when I couldn't do anything and I am so thankful for the prayers for my fingers. 

Moral of my story, I should have listen to that voice saying don't go and to the that feeling in my gut that said don't go! Trust your gut! Follow your Gut! 

I am off to my next adventure! When life gets hard drink a coke and go for a run! Don't forget to pray because sometimes that is all you have and he isn't going to turn his back on you! 

Until next time, Peace Out Cub Scout! Work hard play harder and RUN YOUR HEART OUT! Keep the Faith! Over and Out! 

Mixed Feelings (Wrote in January)

 Hello Blogger Fam! 

I know I do not write as much as I should and this post is going to have some anger, loneliness and happiness. I wrote this back in January but was to angry to post it. 

I have been told no a lot in my life but never once have I ever been told there is no room in the inn. I don't know why that bothered me so much. It just made me think about Mary and Joseph because they had to go to a stable to give birth to the baby Jesus. I am sure it hurt Mary's feelings but she just went and did what she needed to do. I was told that there was no room in the inn, I don't know why it bothered me so much! I didn't really want to go to Paris. I would have liked to go yes but never really thought anything about it until I was told there isn't room in the inn. Those words weren't used per say but that was implied. I am not upset my family went. I am truly grateful they went and are enjoying their time and I am so thankful for the pictures. 

Something that has bothered me about this situation is when people say dumb things. I know it shouldn't matter but it doesn't. I am a grown woman. I don't need you to ask if I am surviving without my mom. I am doing fine thanks. Just a little more lonely than normal. Mind you I live in the middle of no where with no people so yes when my family went to Paris yes it was said because it made it so I was left all alone. Yes, it stinks but it isn't the end of the world. Yes, I have to reach out to my friends instead of my lifelines because my lifelines are out of the country and that is okay. Because I know the sun that shines on me is shining on them. Different times of day but its still the same sun and the same moon. 

I got a text a week ago it was a tender mercy. My friend from my old singles ward reached out and said she went to another friends relief society lesson. I have a friend who talks about Jesus all the time and talks about Him like He is her best friend. It's really true. Jesus is her best friend and I know that He is with her all the time. Later I found out that she was talking about me. It brought tears to my eyes because she didn't know how much I needed to hear that. I have recently turned my back on Him not on purpose but it just happened. I miss that girl I used to be and the way I used to feel inside. 

Thank you for listening and reading my rant! 

I am off to my next adventure! Send Coke! I mean that with all seriousness or grape crush is also accepted. 😉 When life gets to hard drink a coke and go for a run! Don't forget to pray because sometimes that is all you have and he isn't going to turn his back on you! 

Until next time, Peace Out Cub Scout! Work hard, play harder, and RUN YOUR HEART OUT! Pray a little louder and run a little farther. Never fortget the end goal! Keep the Faith! Over and out! 

2024 has come and gone. Hello New Adventures 2025

 Hello Blogger Fam! 

This one is going to be raw and honest. I am so grateful for all the adventures, the laughs, and pain that 2024 has brought. I learned so much about myself.

Here are the top five highlights of 2024.

1. Going to a quilt retreat in February in Quitman Texas.

2.  Going to Missouri Star with my mom and her best friend.

3. Cruising to Alaska

4. Being on the news.

5. Getting donut wart removed from my knee. 

2024 taught me a lot about people and about myself. I learned that it is okay to not trust anyone but yourself because you aren't going to hurt yourself. I learned that I have some of the toughest friends around. I almost lost one in a motorcycle accident but she is a fighter and guess what she is finally able to walk again. During this time she was going through a divorce and she never once said why me she said I got this. I am so grateful for 2024 and I am so ready for 2025 I hope it is the year my dreams come true. 

I heard something this week that has definitely changed my perspective on things. I know who is in my corner and who is willing to support me as I try to get back into school so I can change careers. I love my job I do. I am grateful for the opportunity I have to be a teacher but I am ready for a new adventure. I am ready to finally listen to that voice in my head that says go and not the one that says stay it is safe here. It maybe safe but it isn't helping me grow I am staying in one place. It is okay to change because no matter what people are going to talk so give them a reason. Go and fight for your dreams don't give up because you think you can't. I am here to tell you, you can even if it means taking the test over 50 times keep pushing through because eventually it is going to be the best feeling when you get that piece of paper that says you did it. Don't let others tell you, you can't because you can. 

I am sick of the people telling me it is stupid to go back to school and I can't do it and it isn't worth it. It is worth it to me. I had one friend looked me straight in the face and said 4 years is going to pass if you go to school or if you don't. I am going to take the jump this year and get back into school. I hope FASFA will be my friend but if not I will work two jobs so I can make my dreams come true. 

I am going on some big adventures this year and let me tell you what I am annoyed about the flights and how they worked out but it is what it is. I am excited for my adventure in July and I am excited to start school in the fall I hope. I am excited to try something new and become the person I know I can be.

If you feel the need to tell me I can't do it or you don't believe in me please delete my phone number and leave my life for good because I am done with the ones who are against me. If you are going to support me awesome. If not I don't need you. I am thankful for the friends who are there and believe in me and are giving me the courage to try and get back into school.

Here is to 2025 lets make our dreams come true! 

I am off to my next adventure. Send Coke! I mean that will all seriousness or grape crush is also accepted. 😉  When life gets to hard drink a coke and look at the stars. Don't forget to pray because sometimes that is all you have! 

Until next time, Peace out Cub Scout! Work hard, play harder, and RUN YOUR HEART OUT! Pray a little louder and run a little farther. Never forget the end goal! Keep the faith! Here is to new adventures and making dreams come true! Over and out! 

Grateful

 Hello Blogger Fam! 

What a whirl wind it has been! If I didn't blog today I would be so ungrateful. This weekend the love I have felt. It was the weekend of the deer hunt which means bake sale for the Grouse Creek Buckaroos. 

If I didn't blog today to share my gratitude I would be so ungrateful. Tender mercies of this weekend. It was the weekend of the deer hunt which means it was the bake sale for Grouse Creek Buckaroos! It is the weekend that my school raises money for their field trip. This year we raised $998 more dollars than last year thank you to everyone who came and supported us.

I want to give a few shout outs. One to my friend Morgan who drove all the way from American Fork it is a 4 hour drive but she came. She came to support me as a human, a teacher and a friend. She helped me understand some curriculum I was struggling with. She helped me make the breakfast burritos she helped set up for the bake sale. I know it was a simple gesture but it meant the world to me to have you come and visit me. I am so lucky and grateful to call you my friend and to have you in my life! 

Next shout out goes to Mrs. Pettingill! Thank you for driving 3 hours to come and support me and then turn around and drive the 3 hours home! Thank you for coming and supporting my students and my school. Thank you for even helping me with my dishes. I know driving the 3 hours to help me with dishes wasn't what you signed up for. Thank you for being you and coming to support me! 

Lastly, I want to give a shout out to my dad! My dad is the best! He comes and checks for mice and sits at a bake sale in the cold and he even checked for mice and got rid of it for me. He took me to the dump and let me wear his coat so I wouldn't freeze and he froze but he stayed like a champ and supported me and my school.

I am truly the luckiest school teacher and person to be alive. I am so thankful for my friends and family for the love they have for me and the support they show me. I am truly grateful for the love and support I felt this weekend. Changing jobs a year ago truly changed my life for the better. It helped me get back to being safe in my life. It taught me that I am worth something and can do anything. It taught me that even though life is hard it is worth it. Changing jobs I didn't think I would last a year or a month. But look at me now I am making something of myself. I asked for an adventure and I got one! It has been a crazy ride but it has changed my life for the better. The 400 miles a week on my car. I am truly grateful for who I am becoming. Grouse Creek has changed me and my life! There is just something about this community! 

Thank you Morgan, Mrs. Pettingill and my Dad for coming to spend the weekend with me and my students! 

I am off to my next adventure! Send Coke! I mean that with all seriousness grape crush is also accepted too! 😉 When life gets hard drink a coke. 😊 And don't forget to pray because sometimes that is all you have! 

Until next time, Peace Out Cub Scour! Work hard, play harder, RUN YOUR HEART OUT! Pray a little louder! Never loose sight of the end goal! Peace and Love! Over and Out! 

I should have stopped.

 Hello Blogger Fam! 

Have you ever had a regret or done something that you wish you hadn't or something that you wish you had. Well, this past Thursday on my normal commute to Brigham City. I was driving as I normally do, it was muddy at the start and then once I got 11 miles on the dirt road then it was smooth sailing. I continued on my journey past Park Valley and then got to the Kelton sign and the road was wet and icy. My car started sliding in and out of the lane and all I could do was hold the steering wheel and pray that I wouldn't hit the barriers and luckily no cars were coming. I got control back and I could see car parts on the side of the road and then there was a man holding his front bumper. I didn't stop I drove by. I didn't stop. That was the worst decision that I have ever made. I haven't stopped thinking about that split second decision. I drove 1 mile and turned around and someone had stopped to help him. I was so grateful for that man who stopped to help that man because I was a jerk. I should have stopped! 

I texted my principal and asked her if it was her husband stopped to help a man right passed the Kelton sign and she said yes. 

I should have stopped. I know that I can't change the past but I can decide now that if I can be of service to someone. I will  stop and help them. 

I hope that if there ever comes a day that I am on the side of the road someone will stop and help me and not be a Jill and just look and drive by. I did turn around and to go check on him but I still should have stopped. 

Make the choice now on the person that you want to be. If you want to be the person who stops or the person who drives by. I know we are all busy and have many things on our minds but you never know how something so simple will change your life.

Until next week! Send Coke! I mean that with all seriousness or grape crush is accepted too. 😉

I am off to my next adventure. When life gets hard, drink a coke.😊  And don’t forget to pray because sometimes that’s all you have. Until, next time, Peace Out Cub Scout. Work hard, play harder, RUN YOUR HEART OUT! Pray a little louder! Never lose sight of the end goal! Keep the Faith! Peace and Love! Over and Out! 

Quilt Retreat!

 Hello Blogger Fam! 

Have you ever wondered why school teachers don't take time off? Well I am here to tell you that it is easier to go to work than to make sub plans. I know that sounds silly but it is so true. Because you end up teaching even when you are away. You love your students as your own. You will do what is best for them and that is being there for them everyday. Even the days when you start out with two crying students from getting off the bus. I love my students and I would do anything for them. I now want to tell you about the adventure that I embarked on last week! 

What is a quilt retreat you might ask. It is where you go and sew and you don't even have to wear real clothes you can wear your pajamas all day if you want or your yoga pants. You can work on your UFO (unfinished objects/projects) or on a group project.

I have been following this wonderful lady on youtube and learned so much from her on quilting. I found out she was having a quilt retreat and I watched it and watched it, I told myself at Christmas if there was still spots left I would go and guess what there was. Just two spaces left!  In October a lot of things were happening and my dad who never really says much said I should go because it would be a way to get away and to go and do something I love sewing! My best friend and I went and it was so much fun! It was in Quitman, Texas. I met so many amazing people I learned so much. I have met many people that I would have never met if I wouldn't have went. I love those ladies that I have met. I got to sew all day for three days and I didn't have a worry in the world. It was so fun to go and relax and to meet people who have the same passion about quilting and sewing like I do. 

This quilt retreat was what I needed to relax and to find happiness in my life again. It was such an amazing experience. I am so thankful that I was able to go. I got to go to Bucee's and I got to sew three quilt tops and I learned how to make a new quilt and let me tell you what who ever said it was for beginners was crazy.  I loved meeting the lady I follow on youtube and I am so thankful for the time she took to get to know me and make me feel important. She took the time to understand me and to answer all my questions. She even called me and answered all my questions before the retreat. She is incredible! 

Quilting is way more than sewing it is feeling of freedom and letting your creativity come out. The fabric speaks for you when you can't speak for yourself. I have learned that quilting brings joy not only to me but to others to.

I am so thankful for the opportunity that I had to go to this quilt retreat and to meet some amazing people and to make friends from all over the country! 

I am off to my next adventure! Send Coke! I mean that with all seriousness or grape crush is accepted too! 😉 When life gets hard, drink a coke. 😊 And don't forget to pray because sometimes that is all you have! 

Until next time, Peace Out Cub Scout! Work Hard, play harder, RUN YOUR HEART OUT! Pray a little louder! Never lose sight of the end goal! Peace and Love! Over and Out! 

They take care of their own! No matter the task!

Hello Blogger Fam! 

If I didn't blog today I would be very ungrateful! As I got ready to leave my parents house, all I could think about was how I was going to have to shovel my driveway and sidewalk. To my surprise when I pulled in from my 2.5 hour commute my driveway was clear and so was my sidewalk. My silent prayers were answered. I am truly blessed to be apart of this community. It isn't just the snow, it's all the things this community does and being welcomed with open arms. Let me tell you about some of the other amazing things this community. 

First off I want to start with saying how grateful I am for the kind soul or souls who cleared my driveway and sidewalk. I came home to a cleared driveway and sidewalk after a big winter storm. I am so thankful to live in this community. They took me in when I was broken, torn and trying to rebuild my self esteem, they took me in when I had no where to live but the school but they didn't have that, they found me a place to stay for a month, while the place I was supposed to live was getting finished. Once the place I was supposed to move into was ready. It was a the whole community was here to move me in and in less than 20 minutes all my stuff was moved in. 

I am so thankful to be apart of a community that welcomes outsiders  (if they know you are coming, if you are a hick hiker that is another story) and takes them in as their own (they protect their own). I am thankful for the people who I can call to come and kill a spider that is 6 feet big and I mean that! Or the ones who come and get a dead mouse and remove it from my house as I am screaming and crying like a 5 year old because I am pretty sure I am going to die, because I am so scared. I am so thankful for this new adventure I have embarked on. I am thankful to be the school teacher out here. I am truly the luckiest teacher. I love this community. When I first started I thought people were crazy for living out in the middle of nowhere but I was the one that was wrong. I have met the most amazing people out here. 

I love being apart of a community that when you drive to town after a snow storm they say text me when you get to your parents so I know you are safe. I am thankful for the janitor who calls to check on me to make sure that I made it back safe. I am truly the luckiest school teacher around. What other teacher can say that when you leave for the weekend everyone is concerned for their well being. 

I am truly the lucky one. I am so thankful for the journey that got me here and the opportunity I have to be here. I am thankful for all the challenges that I had to go through to get here, all the hiccups and I am so thankful that I took the leap of faith to come out and to start a life for myself in the middle of nowhere. I wouldn't change it for the world. I am so grateful for all the no's that I got. It only takes one yes and I am so thankful that this was my yes! I love this adventure and this community! Thank you for taking me in when I needed it the most and most importantly thanks for taking a chance on me! 

I am off to my next adventure! Send Coke! I mean that with all seriousness or grape crush is accepted too! 😉 When life gets hard, drink a coke. 😊 And don't forget to pray because sometimes that is all you have!

Until next time, Peace Out Cub Scout. Work hard, play harder, RUN YOUR HEART OUT! Pray a little louder! Never lose sight of the end goal! Keep the Faith! Peace and Love! Over and Out! 

So long 2023! Welcome New Adventures 2024!

Hello Blogger Fam!

 
So long 2023! Hello 2024!

What an adventure 2023 was, it changed my life for the better. It had it's ups and downs as every year does but this was one for the books. It changed my life for the better! It taught me how to stand up for what I believe in and what to fight for and what to not fight for. Here are the top 5 things that changed my life in 2023.

1. Having oral surgery in July.

2. Going to the gym in the mornings at 5 am and the morning chats.

3. Getting a new job and attending the rural school conference.

4. Going to Missouri Star and Oklahoma with my mom.

5. Being able to attend 2 of my best friends weddings both in September.

2023 was a year that didn't go how I planned but it went the way it needed to. It shaped me into a better person and a happier one. I learned that I am strong enough to handle hard things and I am never alone. You never realize how alone you really are until you are homeless just praying to sleep, then moving into a bunk house and you just pray to not see a mouse or have one in your car and to live to see that next day. Life is hard but the hiccups in the road make it all worth it. I learned that a dead mouse isn't going to kill you even though it is as big as a rhinoceros.

If you would have asked me a year ago what my life would look like it would have been staying in West Valley teaching the morning conversations at the gym Monday, Wednesday and Friday. I would be living in the city around things and still seeing my friends everyday. The year had its ups and downs but I wouldn't change it for anything.  

Out with the old and in with the new. I am so excited for this year and all of the adventures! I am hoping for one real adventure this year and I hope it finds me and if not I hope I get some adventure that is life changing and I hope to get to spend sometime with my brother! 

I must tell you I am finally an adult, I changed my own toilet seat and I used my very own drill yes I did have to call my dad to ask how to take the drill part out of the drill but I did it. 

Here is to 2024 and new adventures! 

I am off to my next adventure! Send Coke! I mean that with all seriousness or grape crush is accepted too. 😉 When life gets hard, drink a coke. 😊 And don't forget to pray because sometimes that is all you have. 

Until next time, Peace Out Cub Scout. Work hard, play harder, RUN YOUR HEART OUT! Pray a little louder! Never lose sight of the end goal! Keep the Faith! Peace and Love! Over and Out! Here is to new adventures and great things ahead! 

Camping?!

Hello Blogger Fam!

Have you ever been camping?! Do you know all the work that goes into camping? Well, that is what Grouse Creek living is like. You pack a bag, you plan your meals, you make sure you have fabric and you have to drive with your head on the swivel to make sure you don't hit a cow/deer/antelope because they are expensive.  You have to plan your meals and all the things you want to do. You have to make sure you have enough food to last you until you go to town and enough just in case you get snowed in because I am not willing to drive on a dirt road in a snow storm to go get groceries. Please don't tell me that I can leave my parents house at 5 in the evening and get to Grouse Creek by 5:30 there is no way it is 160 miles one way that is 2.5 hours that's will no stops. Don't tell me you understand until you make the commute as many times as I have. I get that my schedule isn't the best and doesn't work with the Bishops schedule and I am sorry about that. But I would rather drive in the daylight and return in one piece than be on the side of the road in a ditch somewhere with no cell service because you didn't understand where I work or the commute I make.

Camping is fun when it is only for a while but an every week occurrence is something I never thought was possible, I never even know what I am going to eat until I eat it planning meals is something else. I know that every Tuesday I am going to eat two cheese enchiladas with rice no beans. Yes, every Tuesday, lately is has been Friday or Saturday when I am in town. I am became a pro at living out of a suitcase and a cooler and now I have a place to finally hang my clothes and to put my food. I have a nice little place in the middle of nowhere. I am grateful to the foreman who can read body language and facial expressions of a  girl who is like I think this is a bad idea, but my mom taught me to never quit no matter the challenge it brings. I appreciate that the foreman puts up with me even the angry crying girl because the breaker was turned off to the fridge. I am grateful that he never once made me feel like I was an idiot (even when he had every right to) even when I overreact about the little things but they are mountains to me. I am thankful for the opportunity to work out here and to be the teacher in a small town. I am learning so much about myself and how much I have grown being here. Camping is an adventure and so is living in a small town in the middle of no where. 

Now, I want to tell you the sweetest story that happened. At lunch I had just returned to the lunchroom from the office because I needed to microwave my lunch. I went and sat down it was dead silent and I mean so quiet a pin could have dropped. Mind you, it is never quiet someone is always talking! One of my students said, who is going to pray we need to pray another said you pray to who and why? This students isn't of their faith and without missing a beat the other student said to Heavenly Father we always thank him for our food before we eat it. Another student said to this student, its okay buddy we will pray at dinner for our lunch to and he will understand. We sat in silence for another minute and then they started eating. The faith of little child is something so real that you know they love their father in heaven and they are willing to pray no matter where they are. My heart melted because that was a tender mercy to me to remind me that as long as you still have a little bit of faith it will grow. It reminded me that the love of a child is real and the love of Heavenly Father is real no matter how far you stray or how hard the struggles are. I hope to have has much faith as these students one day. 

I am off to my next adventure! Send Coke! I mean that with all seriousness or grape crush is accepted too. 😉

When life gets hard, drink a coke. 😊 And don't forget to pray because sometimes that is all you have. 

Until next time, Peace Out Cub Scout. Work hard, play harder, RUN YOUR HEART OUT! Pray a little louder! Never lose sight of the end goal! Keep the Faith! Peace and Love! Over and Out! Here is to new adventures and great things ahead! 

Thank you for knowing I needed you!

 Hello Blogger Fam! 

What a week and it is only Tuesday! First let me give you the weekly update I wish I had something so profound to say like something that would make you say oh man I wish I could be just like this girl. Well, I don’t. Many people have told me to write a book about my adventures, I should but I am just trying to survive. Clearly, you are like trying to survive. I have been living in survival mode for the past month or so and I am now starting to feel it in my body as it is refusing to do things it used to do with ease like running 5 miles now, I can barely run a mile without my back telling me to stop I can’t take it please stop you are hurting me. I didn’t realize how bad it was until I am on the side of the road in the middle of nowhere with the silent tears streaming down my cheeks talking to the Branch President. I love to run and lately this fear of being attacked by a mouse or a bug or germs were going to kill me. My mom came with her army and cleaned the house I am in now. I am sleeping on a cot and my back is not having that either. It’s alright one day I will have a bed.

I have read a few books two last month to be exact. I read this one and it changed my life. It taught me to love myself and to forgive myself. I learned that sometimes once you can let go of things you are holding on to, it becomes easier not because of your circumstances but because of the way you look at them and way you handle them. Life is different for everyone; everyone has different struggles different battles to face and mountains to climb. 

Yesterday, I was trying to have a conversation with my dad it got to the point where I was just done and stressed and I said I’m done talking to you, you are causing me stress and it just isn’t going to work. Then my mom starts on the bandwagon and I am like just leave me alone. I called my boss she called someone and then the foreman called me and said in the most loving tone even though he was probably super annoyed with me. “Why didn’t you call earlier? Why didn’t you call me first?” My response I didn’t think it was your problem anymore. It is my are problem for a year. I laughed and said OKAY he said call me first. He then had me call the heating guys and he said we will be out in the morning. Heat broke once again sound familiar? At least it is getting fixed much faster than last time. Update it is fixed!

Sunday night, I just rolled back in to Grouse Creek and having my normal pity party and panic of I’m going to die to many germs. I got a phone call from a friend who I truly adore and it was the worst timing but yet the best timing. We talked for 45 minutes it was so fun to catch up and just talk like old times. We used to work together they were the first one that I told I was taking this job in Grouse Creek. The love, the love that this friend has for the Savior is truly the most incredible thing I have ever seen. They have the most Christlike love. I hope one day to that kind of spiritual giant. I am so thankful for that friend who listened to call me that day to boost my spirits for the week and to bring a smile to my face. Little did they know I really needed them that night. They said something and it just made me giggle inside because I had never thought about it and you know what they are right I am tough and I can do hard things. 

I am so lucky to have the people I have in my life. My life has been changed for the better because of most of the people I have met some maybe not so much but this one friend definitely changed my life for the better and saved it truly saved it!

Until next week! Send Coke! I mean that with all seriousness or grape crush is accepted too. 😉

I am off to my next adventure. When life gets hard, drink a coke. 😊  And don’t forget to pray because sometimes that’s all you have. Also, be like an elementary student and wish big and dream big. Wishes do come true, they just take time. They tell me so! 

Until, next time, Peace Out Cub Scout. Work hard, play harder, RUN YOUR HEART OUT! Pray a little louder! Never lose sight of the end goal! Keep the Faith! Peace and Love! Over and Out! Here is to new adventures and great things ahead!

31 in the rearview mirror

Hello Blogger Fam! 

Goodbye 31! Hello 32! My life has changed so much in the past year and most of those changes took place in the last month. I moved to the middle of nowhere, was homeless, left all my friends, got invited to be in a wedding line and then got uninvited not sure how that even happened but it did. I fixed a wedding reception crisis. I made my own blinds for my classroom. My mom and her army have come and made the house where I am supposed to be living livable. 

A year ago, a sweet sister came and decorated my door for my birthday and we became the best of friends all because it was important to her for me to do something for my birthday. I asked her where she got the stuff to decorate my apartment door and she said without missing a beat from my car trunk don't you have an emergency decorations box in your car. Umm, no I have everything else haha. We laughed and now this sweet sister is getting married! I couldn't be more excited. I don't know if she knows how much it meant to me that she decorated my door something so simple would lead to such a wonderful friendship!

I learned over this past month how tough I really am! I also learned that spiders are still scary but I can kill Mormon crickets that are on the ground. I watched a 7 year old kill one and said if she can do it so can I. 

I got a call from another coworker who I have only worked with briefly and said thanks for being you! Thank you for your fun spunky personality. 

Okay, lets me honest I know why you are here because you want an update on my past few weeks. 

Here we go. My friends came to Brigham and took me to lunch for my birthday. I am truly lucky to have this group of friends they came into my life at a tough time but they stood by me and I have truly met one of my best friends in this group of friends. She came into my classroom when I was broken and needed to be rebuilt she rebuilt me from the ground up while being 7 months pregnant mind you. I should have been the one there for her but she was the one there for me. 

Grouse Creek update! PLAYGROUND I know you are all like cool that's great what you don't know the students haven't had one and they finally got one! It was such a surprise when it showed up last Tuesday and then started getting built and was up by Thursday! It was like a celebrity was in town the joy it brought to the students and communities face was priceless. It's the simple things we can call wins that make the biggest different! Nothing really great to report. House I am supposed to move in is almost ready I mean we just have to finish cleaning it. Did you catch that we as me and my mom and her army! I have learned something very important... I am not willing to work for a company that can't keep their promises because who wants to be thrown into fire and be left there to burn? That has been my life lately my Principal is doing the best she can I know she cares but when higher up the chain doesn't do their job it is really frustrating. I have started to love Grouse Creek and I am truly so lucky to be out here on this adventure! 

Until next week! Send Coke! I mean that with all seriousness or grape crush is accepted too. 

I am off to my next adventure. When life gets hard, drink a coke.  And don’t forget to pray because sometimes that’s all you have. Until, next time, Peace Out Cub Scout. Work hard, play harder, RUN YOUR HEART OUT! Pray a little louder! Never lose sight of the end goal! Keep the Faith! Peace and Love! Over and Out! Here is to new adventures and great things ahead! 

What a whirl wind

 Hello Blogger Fam! 

Week two has come and gone here on Grouse Creek. People ask how it is and I tell them what they want to hear and then my neighbor always ask so I always tell her the truth I don’t think she is ready for the reality of how rough it is. She is on the school board mind you. My mom said you need to start being positive. Me okay everything’s awesome I love it! Wahoo! 

Come on now let’s be honest! I’m not saying my life is harder than anyone else’s. I’m not saying it’s easy. I’m just saying it’s a little mediocre right now. Kind of unraveling if you will. But this too shall pass. BRIGHT SIDE I REMEMBERED A FLASH LIGHT!

I am so sick of having to lie and tell people everything fine I’m happy I’m doing great when the reality is…. I’m living in a constant fear am I going to get eaten alive by mice tonight is there a spider that’s going to eat me. Why do these people hate me? I’m doing the best with the hand I was dealt and clearly right now it is a struggle but I’m giving it my all and the best that I can. Last Friday, on my way home I hit highway 30 and this peace just filled my heart the fear had left my body and the spirit came back to my life. I knew without a doubt I was almost safe! Almost, I was almost home. Almost to a safe space. 

Grouse Creek is a wonderful place and I am truly lucky to be able to be the teacher out here but the struggles and heartache is rough! I know right now you are saying, Jill you are overreacting, to you that may be true. Right now I don’t think so but as I look back on this experience I am sure I will say to myself you were a fool. Right now all I can say is Heavenly Father please let me live to see another day and not a mouse. Please keep mice out of my car and away from me. 

As many of you know I am terrified of animals and I mean terrified. If you didn’t know now you do. I start to hyperventilate and then cry, panic and then if you touch me or try to calm me down from the behind, I start hitting you not because I want to hit because I think you are an animal trying to kill me. Because in my mind that’s what’s happening. 

Last week there was a spider and I called my dad 160 miles away to come and kill it and of course he egging me on in my irrational fear I know. I started to panic more so I called the bus driver to come and kill it. This wasn’t just a baby spider it was huge massive black widow going to kill me. The bus driver came he drove 11 miles on a dirt road to get rid of it for me. He didn’t laugh at me when he had every reason to. He came with his wife and even she was like that’s huge! Now he calls me spider girl and I don’t care! I am grateful to that man to come to my rescue when I thought I was going to die and all I could think about was I’m going to die and they don’t make yellow headstones yet. Thank kind bus driver! I will never forget and never be able to thank you enough! 

Here is now what you were waiting for the second week update. It was better than last week. I actually had a place to stay. I went to a community event that was fun someone asked me if I knew my brother but you must relies there are two people the same age with the same name just a different letter changed in the last name. I asked which one and he looked at me like what’s wrong with you, you either have a brother or you don’t so I had to explain myself. Come to find out it really was my brother! Someone from where my brother works knows someone out here. So that’s awesome. I also found the treasury book of the school from many moons ago and I knew a name of a person in that book so I sent a picture to the man’s daughter in law and was like this is so cool! We texted for a minute and then went on our way. I went and watched another teacher teach now my life seems a little easier that I know what is going on. People in education of all places you would think would know people learn differently show me once or twice and I got it. Expected me to read a book to figure it out I got nothing. I finally feel like I can teach here. I’m thankful for the opportunity that had to go see an experienced teacher teach! Not only to learn but to make it to my best friends wedding and to get my henna. My best friend calls me so upset/sad at 5 am no-one can come to my wedding not even you. I said actually I’ll be there I wouldn’t miss it for the world. I was grateful the stars aligned for me to go Friday to watch this teacher teach, so I could get everything I wanted to and needed to done. It was a crazy week and even crazier weekend. But it was worth it. Update on the housing situation no idea but hey a couch is better than nothing! 

Until next week! Send Coke! I mean that with all seriousness or grape crush is accepted too. 😉

I am off to my next adventure. When life gets hard, drink a coke.😊  And don’t forget to pray because sometimes that’s all you have. Until, next time, Peace Out Cub Scout. Work hard, play harder, RUN YOUR HEART OUT! Pray a little louder! Never lose sight of the end goal! Keep the Faith! Peace and Love! Over and Out! 

My Miracle

Hello Blogger Fam! 

This post is real and raw with a lot of emotion.

Have you ever been homeless or felt homeless? Well, it doesn’t feel great. I want to tell you about the last week of my life it truly is a miracle. I started a new job and couldn’t have been more excited or thrilled. Here is my first weeks update. 

Hey! I thought you might like a week one update. Well, I legitimately started the week homeless and I mean literally homeless living at the school and praying for a miracle! I was almost ready to quit and be like this isn’t for me I’m out I’m out! I didn’t because let’s be real we know I can’t quit on these kids, I stayed. I found a couch to crash on for a few weeks and it’s quite a nice couch haha. Better than motion lights and the floor haha. It’s an adventure out here my coworkers are alright they take good care of me in a non weird way. We are a just a little family out here in the middle of nowhere but you know what, I wouldn’t change it for the world. The tears were rough and fierce but they come and go. I am learning how tough I truly am! Do I miss the city yea I do. But at least this is where I am meant to be for a little while! Something out being in the middle of nowhere changes the way you look at life! New perspective I guess! 

Now, I must tell you about the love of the savior I have felt this past week. I have felt the prayers of my homeward family and the pleas of my heart. I have felt the prayers of others who love and care about me too! I have been lifted up on the hardest days. I  have felt the face plants and scraps of the world too but I never once should have doubted that I was loved or ever forgotten. 

This week hasn’t been easy nor is a week ever easy some are easier than others and  that is true too. Short week this week and then only 4 days from here!

Friday, I am lucky enough to go to the temple for my best friends sealing if you would have asked me if I would ever love this girl I would have said never she wronged me and I never let go of a grudge. I never met someone who was so alone and need a friend more than her. I don’t think it was her who needed a friend it was me. My father in heaven knew it and he needed me to trust him at that point in my life to let her in 9 years ago. 

Over this week and last I have learned so much! I learned that I am tough and I can do many things. I know that if I don’t give up on someone who never gave up on me I’ll always end up where I need to go. 

Today I read a book to my students a book I have read many times but today it made the silent tears fall because I knew that the words were true in this book! “I’m off to great places.” Dr. Seuss speaks to the heart. It hit my heart today it jerked at the heart strings.

Life is hard I’m not telling you it is easy but I’m telling you it is worth it! I can honestly say I’ve felt so alone and no one cares and those were the days my miracle happen. I prayed for a miracle and I got one maybe not the one I wanted but I truly got a miracle. 

I am off to my next adventure. When life gets hard, drink a coke.😊  And don’t forget to pray. Until, next time, Peace Out Cub Scout. Work hard, play harder, RUN YOUR HEART OUT! Never lose sight of the end goal! Keep the Faith! Peace and Love! Over and Out!  

The End of a Chapter

 Hello Blogger Fam! 

As I write today it is a bittersweet moment as I come to the end of a chapter. I am spreading my wings to fly and to leave the toxicity behind. I am so grateful for the people who told me straight that I needed to get out and move on. I am so appreciative to the people who pushed me to find a job and to the ones who helped me find a job. I am so thankful for the past four years and all the things I have learned and opportunities I have had to grow. I am thankful for the people who believed in me and never gave up on me even when I gave up on myself. I am so grateful for the love and support I have from my family and friends. I am thankful for my students and the love they showed me. I never knew that you could love something so much that when they leave it hurts. I love to see them succeed.I am so thankful for my coworkers who have been there through the hard times, the good times and the tears. They were there when people chewed me up, spit me out and stomped on me. They listened to the struggles they left sweet notes on my desk to lift up my spirits. I am truly the luckiest teacher around because I have truly met some of the most amazing people.

I wouldn't change the last four years for anything in the world. It has helped shape me into the person I have become. It has made me a better person. It taught me to be careful who you trust and confide in. It taught me that when no one is on your side Heavenly Father is. He will send people into your life when you need them the most. He will never leave you alone no matter how alone you feel. I am truly lucky to be me and to close this chapter and to start a new one! 

Here’s to closing a chapter and opening a new one. 

I am off to my next adventure. When life gets hard, drink a coke. 😊 Until, next time, Peace Out Cub Scout. Work hard, play harder, RUN YOUR HEART OUT! Never lose sight of the end goal! Keep the Faith! Peace and Love! Over and Out! 

Scared

 Hello Blogger Fam! 

I wrote this one Friday.

Two posts in a week. I am sure you are thinking about what is happening to this girl. Well, today it hit me when someone said, "You're nearing the end of this adventure. Getting ready to start your new one."  It was a man who doesn't say much but he listens and he doesn't make you feel dumb or stupid. He said it with so much love. I never knew walking away from something I love could be this hard. I know change is hard but I didn't think it would be this hard to leave. I know change is a part of life and we need to have experiences and find out who we truly are. 

I am so excited for this next chapter in my life. Honestly, I am so scared to leave everything. I am scared to leave my safe little space in a town I never thought I would live, my morning routine, talks at the gym Monday, Wednesday and Friday. I even asked my gym people if we could still be friends after I leave for this new adventure. He looked at me and said without missing a beat, "What kind of question is that? Of course." 

I am truly happy with the person I am becoming but I am so scared to take a leap of faith and go to the middle of nowhere with little cell phone service. But at least there is wifi and that is always a bonus! 

I am so lucky and thankful to embark on this new adventure and to find happiness again and find the beauty of the world again. It's an open country out there and I am so excited to fully see the stars and everything else. Be thankful for the simple things in life! 

I am off to my next adventure. When life gets hard, drink a COKE. 😊 Until next time, Peace Out Cub Scout. Work hard, play harder, RUN YOUR HEART OUT! Never lose sight of the end goal.  Keep the Faith! Peace and Love! Over and Out!  

New Life Adventure

 Hello Blogger Fam,

What a crazy roller coaster my life has been. I have been looking for a new job for the next school year. Not because I hate my job, I don't. I love my job with my whole heart. It is just time for a change. I am so thankful for my fan club at the gym that pushed me to look for a job so I could find happiness again. I would like to go back to February. That is when my interviewing started and for once in my life I thought something great was going to happen and I was going to get something that I wanted. Well, three months later I finally got the no. After many no's and telling my fan club at the gym every time I had an interview and every no. Finally, in April on a Monday one of them said after I said I got another no without missing a beat. You SUCK, you should have gotten a job by now, you suck at interviewing. It caught me off guard and he was right. My response, we already knew that clearly. He said he would help me and practice mock interviews with me. After he said that I wasn't mad because I knew he said it because he cares. I asked him in passing if he was serious about helping me and he said yes. I went about my life and my business as usual for the week. I applied for jobs that Tuesday and had a call within an hour of applying, I got  a call for an interview, set up for the next day. Interview so I thought it was a hot mess well guess what! I got the job! It is a very rural area and I couldn't be more excited! I went out and saw the school and met the people. It is going to be a great change and a life changing adventure. Am I sad to leave where I am? But I am ready for this new life adventure! I am ready for the excitement and the learning and growing experience it will be. 

I am so grateful for my family and friends that are supporting me on this new life adventure. I am so thankful to my gym fan club for believing in me enough to push me to look for a new job and for being there for me through the ups and down. The text messages that said I got another no. 

This year has been a really hard year. Just things have happened and things were said, I knew it was time to look for a new adventure and I found one, well this one found me. 

I am so thankful for the time I have had where I am and where I have been. I am thankful for all the things I have learned and the teacher I have become. But I am truly excited for this new adventure.

When life gets hard, drink a COKE! 😊

I am off to my next adventure. Until next time, Peace Out Cub Scout. Work hard, Play Harder, RUN YOUR HEART OUT!  Never lose sight of the end goal. Keep the Faith! Peace and Love! Over and Out!