31 in the rearview mirror

Hello Blogger Fam! 

Goodbye 31! Hello 32! My life has changed so much in the past year and most of those changes took place in the last month. I moved to the middle of nowhere, was homeless, left all my friends, got invited to be in a wedding line and then got uninvited not sure how that even happened but it did. I fixed a wedding reception crisis. I made my own blinds for my classroom. My mom and her army have come and made the house where I am supposed to be living livable. 

A year ago, a sweet sister came and decorated my door for my birthday and we became the best of friends all because it was important to her for me to do something for my birthday. I asked her where she got the stuff to decorate my apartment door and she said without missing a beat from my car trunk don't you have an emergency decorations box in your car. Umm, no I have everything else haha. We laughed and now this sweet sister is getting married! I couldn't be more excited. I don't know if she knows how much it meant to me that she decorated my door something so simple would lead to such a wonderful friendship!

I learned over this past month how tough I really am! I also learned that spiders are still scary but I can kill Mormon crickets that are on the ground. I watched a 7 year old kill one and said if she can do it so can I. 

I got a call from another coworker who I have only worked with briefly and said thanks for being you! Thank you for your fun spunky personality. 

Okay, lets me honest I know why you are here because you want an update on my past few weeks. 

Here we go. My friends came to Brigham and took me to lunch for my birthday. I am truly lucky to have this group of friends they came into my life at a tough time but they stood by me and I have truly met one of my best friends in this group of friends. She came into my classroom when I was broken and needed to be rebuilt she rebuilt me from the ground up while being 7 months pregnant mind you. I should have been the one there for her but she was the one there for me. 

Grouse Creek update! PLAYGROUND I know you are all like cool that's great what you don't know the students haven't had one and they finally got one! It was such a surprise when it showed up last Tuesday and then started getting built and was up by Thursday! It was like a celebrity was in town the joy it brought to the students and communities face was priceless. It's the simple things we can call wins that make the biggest different! Nothing really great to report. House I am supposed to move in is almost ready I mean we just have to finish cleaning it. Did you catch that we as me and my mom and her army! I have learned something very important... I am not willing to work for a company that can't keep their promises because who wants to be thrown into fire and be left there to burn? That has been my life lately my Principal is doing the best she can I know she cares but when higher up the chain doesn't do their job it is really frustrating. I have started to love Grouse Creek and I am truly so lucky to be out here on this adventure! 

Until next week! Send Coke! I mean that with all seriousness or grape crush is accepted too. 

I am off to my next adventure. When life gets hard, drink a coke.  And don’t forget to pray because sometimes that’s all you have. Until, next time, Peace Out Cub Scout. Work hard, play harder, RUN YOUR HEART OUT! Pray a little louder! Never lose sight of the end goal! Keep the Faith! Peace and Love! Over and Out! Here is to new adventures and great things ahead! 

What a whirl wind

 Hello Blogger Fam! 

Week two has come and gone here on Grouse Creek. People ask how it is and I tell them what they want to hear and then my neighbor always ask so I always tell her the truth I don’t think she is ready for the reality of how rough it is. She is on the school board mind you. My mom said you need to start being positive. Me okay everything’s awesome I love it! Wahoo! 

Come on now let’s be honest! I’m not saying my life is harder than anyone else’s. I’m not saying it’s easy. I’m just saying it’s a little mediocre right now. Kind of unraveling if you will. But this too shall pass. BRIGHT SIDE I REMEMBERED A FLASH LIGHT!

I am so sick of having to lie and tell people everything fine I’m happy I’m doing great when the reality is…. I’m living in a constant fear am I going to get eaten alive by mice tonight is there a spider that’s going to eat me. Why do these people hate me? I’m doing the best with the hand I was dealt and clearly right now it is a struggle but I’m giving it my all and the best that I can. Last Friday, on my way home I hit highway 30 and this peace just filled my heart the fear had left my body and the spirit came back to my life. I knew without a doubt I was almost safe! Almost, I was almost home. Almost to a safe space. 

Grouse Creek is a wonderful place and I am truly lucky to be able to be the teacher out here but the struggles and heartache is rough! I know right now you are saying, Jill you are overreacting, to you that may be true. Right now I don’t think so but as I look back on this experience I am sure I will say to myself you were a fool. Right now all I can say is Heavenly Father please let me live to see another day and not a mouse. Please keep mice out of my car and away from me. 

As many of you know I am terrified of animals and I mean terrified. If you didn’t know now you do. I start to hyperventilate and then cry, panic and then if you touch me or try to calm me down from the behind, I start hitting you not because I want to hit because I think you are an animal trying to kill me. Because in my mind that’s what’s happening. 

Last week there was a spider and I called my dad 160 miles away to come and kill it and of course he egging me on in my irrational fear I know. I started to panic more so I called the bus driver to come and kill it. This wasn’t just a baby spider it was huge massive black widow going to kill me. The bus driver came he drove 11 miles on a dirt road to get rid of it for me. He didn’t laugh at me when he had every reason to. He came with his wife and even she was like that’s huge! Now he calls me spider girl and I don’t care! I am grateful to that man to come to my rescue when I thought I was going to die and all I could think about was I’m going to die and they don’t make yellow headstones yet. Thank kind bus driver! I will never forget and never be able to thank you enough! 

Here is now what you were waiting for the second week update. It was better than last week. I actually had a place to stay. I went to a community event that was fun someone asked me if I knew my brother but you must relies there are two people the same age with the same name just a different letter changed in the last name. I asked which one and he looked at me like what’s wrong with you, you either have a brother or you don’t so I had to explain myself. Come to find out it really was my brother! Someone from where my brother works knows someone out here. So that’s awesome. I also found the treasury book of the school from many moons ago and I knew a name of a person in that book so I sent a picture to the man’s daughter in law and was like this is so cool! We texted for a minute and then went on our way. I went and watched another teacher teach now my life seems a little easier that I know what is going on. People in education of all places you would think would know people learn differently show me once or twice and I got it. Expected me to read a book to figure it out I got nothing. I finally feel like I can teach here. I’m thankful for the opportunity that had to go see an experienced teacher teach! Not only to learn but to make it to my best friends wedding and to get my henna. My best friend calls me so upset/sad at 5 am no-one can come to my wedding not even you. I said actually I’ll be there I wouldn’t miss it for the world. I was grateful the stars aligned for me to go Friday to watch this teacher teach, so I could get everything I wanted to and needed to done. It was a crazy week and even crazier weekend. But it was worth it. Update on the housing situation no idea but hey a couch is better than nothing! 

Until next week! Send Coke! I mean that with all seriousness or grape crush is accepted too. 😉

I am off to my next adventure. When life gets hard, drink a coke.😊  And don’t forget to pray because sometimes that’s all you have. Until, next time, Peace Out Cub Scout. Work hard, play harder, RUN YOUR HEART OUT! Pray a little louder! Never lose sight of the end goal! Keep the Faith! Peace and Love! Over and Out! 

My Miracle

Hello Blogger Fam! 

This post is real and raw with a lot of emotion.

Have you ever been homeless or felt homeless? Well, it doesn’t feel great. I want to tell you about the last week of my life it truly is a miracle. I started a new job and couldn’t have been more excited or thrilled. Here is my first weeks update. 

Hey! I thought you might like a week one update. Well, I legitimately started the week homeless and I mean literally homeless living at the school and praying for a miracle! I was almost ready to quit and be like this isn’t for me I’m out I’m out! I didn’t because let’s be real we know I can’t quit on these kids, I stayed. I found a couch to crash on for a few weeks and it’s quite a nice couch haha. Better than motion lights and the floor haha. It’s an adventure out here my coworkers are alright they take good care of me in a non weird way. We are a just a little family out here in the middle of nowhere but you know what, I wouldn’t change it for the world. The tears were rough and fierce but they come and go. I am learning how tough I truly am! Do I miss the city yea I do. But at least this is where I am meant to be for a little while! Something out being in the middle of nowhere changes the way you look at life! New perspective I guess! 

Now, I must tell you about the love of the savior I have felt this past week. I have felt the prayers of my homeward family and the pleas of my heart. I have felt the prayers of others who love and care about me too! I have been lifted up on the hardest days. I  have felt the face plants and scraps of the world too but I never once should have doubted that I was loved or ever forgotten. 

This week hasn’t been easy nor is a week ever easy some are easier than others and  that is true too. Short week this week and then only 4 days from here!

Friday, I am lucky enough to go to the temple for my best friends sealing if you would have asked me if I would ever love this girl I would have said never she wronged me and I never let go of a grudge. I never met someone who was so alone and need a friend more than her. I don’t think it was her who needed a friend it was me. My father in heaven knew it and he needed me to trust him at that point in my life to let her in 9 years ago. 

Over this week and last I have learned so much! I learned that I am tough and I can do many things. I know that if I don’t give up on someone who never gave up on me I’ll always end up where I need to go. 

Today I read a book to my students a book I have read many times but today it made the silent tears fall because I knew that the words were true in this book! “I’m off to great places.” Dr. Seuss speaks to the heart. It hit my heart today it jerked at the heart strings.

Life is hard I’m not telling you it is easy but I’m telling you it is worth it! I can honestly say I’ve felt so alone and no one cares and those were the days my miracle happen. I prayed for a miracle and I got one maybe not the one I wanted but I truly got a miracle. 

I am off to my next adventure. When life gets hard, drink a coke.😊  And don’t forget to pray. Until, next time, Peace Out Cub Scout. Work hard, play harder, RUN YOUR HEART OUT! Never lose sight of the end goal! Keep the Faith! Peace and Love! Over and Out!