My double life. I once had someone tell me I have a double life you know what I do. You can take the girl from Brigham City but you can't take the City from the girl. I have two lives one up there and one in Utah County. I walked away from my Brigham life in 2016 I go back because it is a comfort place. It helps me know that I am a person and I can be who I need to be. My life has changed being in Utah County it has made me a better person and a stronger one. I have seen how one choice can make the world of difference and how it can change your life for the worst or the better. I had this friend who I trusted who has helped me along the way and something has changed now we don't talk. He doesn't even give me the time of day. He taught me that every time you trust someone they turn around and walk away. I lost my best friend. I asked to be released from my calling because I couldn't do it because he wouldn't help me and I couldn't take the tears anymore. After I got released from the Relief Society Presidency our relationship changed. I was worried that it would and it changed for the worst. I lost my best friend someone who didn't judge me and accepted me for me, it never mattered to him where I came from or where I have been. He listened to me rant and complain about the silly things that bother me. I know they were silly to him but yet he listened.
You may think I live a double life but you have to know that Brigham was my comfort zone I know it like the back of my hand. My friends are there and my old job and job family is there. I know that I am one person and I have to chose which life I want to live. I can't run away from Utah County because life gets hard. My mom didn't raise quitters! We fight hard to get where we want to be. Money doesn't grow on trees you have to work hard to get what you want. I work because I know how and I know how important it is. Life is hard and Karma is a beast it bite back hard.
Brigham is a part of me. You can take the Girl from Brigham City but you can't take the City from the girl. If you don't accept both of my lives walk out of my life because I will always have a love for Brigham city.
My life has not been how I had my life plan but I wouldn't change how it turned out for anything in the world. I have had some amazing experiences. Life is hard but never lose sight of the end goal. Nothing is impossible. Keep the faith! Run hard play hard but RUN HARDER!
Sunday, April 30, 2017
Monday, April 24, 2017
I didn't like the outcome.
The Doctor says one thing one month then something else the next. I am done you are not helping me, you are scaring me. I don't sleep at night because I am scared I am going to die on my flight to Peru or home because I am at high risk for a blood clot. I pretend I am okay when in all reality I am not and I am done faking it. My left foot is swollen some days I can't fit it in my running shoe so I force it in and pretend it doesn't hurt and when it hurts so bad I want to die I run harder because I think the faster I run the less it will hurt. I will take the pain after like a champ. I am done with the tears. I am done with this fight.
The Doctor says I need to go to the surgeon the next month he just wants to laser my foot to take the pain away is that going to take away my being tired all the time. I have to take a nap during the day just to make it through. I have never been so tired in my life. I have learned that you just have to pretend you aren't tired and keep moving on and push through it. It is easier some days. It is all just how you look at it.
I don't like the outcome but it is what it is! Keep Believing! Never Give Up!!!
I trusted that doctor and he has done nothing for me gave me some nasty medicine that makes me sick and then a supplement that is so terrible I would rather kill myself than take it, thank goodness I ran out of it. I am tired of being tired and not feeling good. I tell everyone I am fine when I know I am not but I don't want sympathy. I wake up early so I can fit everything in in a day. I have to much I want to accomplish before I die.
I am so excited to go to Peru. I am a little nervous but it will be an adventure. It will be so great to see how others learn. I am so thankful for my parents and their willingness to let me go. You better believe it I have worked hard to get where I am today. I am paying for Peru by myself. I am so thankful that my parents taught me to be a hard worker and responsible. Sometimes I wish they wouldn't of taught us that.
Life is full of disappointment it is all in how you take it. I had a best friend who I truly trusted and told him a lot about my life. I should of remembered every time I trust someone they leave or I have to distance myself from them. Well he was one of the first people I trusted since my mission it took him 10 months to gain that trust and he lost it within a week. I sometimes wish I didn't trust people because then there is less disappointment and you don't expect anything from anyone.
I am fighting an uphill battle one that I feel like will never end. I have lost sight of the end goal. I should of taken the other job and worked two jobs. It isn't worth being down in Utah County anymore. No one cares the tears fall and no one ever knows. I don't let them see the weak side of me because I am not WEAK! My mom didn't raise weak sauce children she raised STRONG FIGHTERS! I just have to keep fighting! She didn't raise no quitter because if she did I wouldn't be where I am today!
I never realized how good I had it until it was all gone. Life changes and you have to know what battles you want to fight and the ones you need to walk away from. I have learned over this past month that I need to walk away from something that meant so much to me. I am walking away because I will never be good enough for him. I will never deserve someone like him. I have learned that I am low life soap scum but its fine, I just wish one day he will understand how much he really did mean to me.
They always say one door closes another one opens. I hope so we shall see. I am off to another day in the life of Jill! No disappointment today! Live the dream! Dance like no one is watching! ALWAYS REMEMBER YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH! If someone can't see it they aren't worth it.
Keep the Faith! Peace Out Cub Scout!
The Doctor says I need to go to the surgeon the next month he just wants to laser my foot to take the pain away is that going to take away my being tired all the time. I have to take a nap during the day just to make it through. I have never been so tired in my life. I have learned that you just have to pretend you aren't tired and keep moving on and push through it. It is easier some days. It is all just how you look at it.
I don't like the outcome but it is what it is! Keep Believing! Never Give Up!!!
I trusted that doctor and he has done nothing for me gave me some nasty medicine that makes me sick and then a supplement that is so terrible I would rather kill myself than take it, thank goodness I ran out of it. I am tired of being tired and not feeling good. I tell everyone I am fine when I know I am not but I don't want sympathy. I wake up early so I can fit everything in in a day. I have to much I want to accomplish before I die.
I am so excited to go to Peru. I am a little nervous but it will be an adventure. It will be so great to see how others learn. I am so thankful for my parents and their willingness to let me go. You better believe it I have worked hard to get where I am today. I am paying for Peru by myself. I am so thankful that my parents taught me to be a hard worker and responsible. Sometimes I wish they wouldn't of taught us that.
Life is full of disappointment it is all in how you take it. I had a best friend who I truly trusted and told him a lot about my life. I should of remembered every time I trust someone they leave or I have to distance myself from them. Well he was one of the first people I trusted since my mission it took him 10 months to gain that trust and he lost it within a week. I sometimes wish I didn't trust people because then there is less disappointment and you don't expect anything from anyone.
I am fighting an uphill battle one that I feel like will never end. I have lost sight of the end goal. I should of taken the other job and worked two jobs. It isn't worth being down in Utah County anymore. No one cares the tears fall and no one ever knows. I don't let them see the weak side of me because I am not WEAK! My mom didn't raise weak sauce children she raised STRONG FIGHTERS! I just have to keep fighting! She didn't raise no quitter because if she did I wouldn't be where I am today!
I never realized how good I had it until it was all gone. Life changes and you have to know what battles you want to fight and the ones you need to walk away from. I have learned over this past month that I need to walk away from something that meant so much to me. I am walking away because I will never be good enough for him. I will never deserve someone like him. I have learned that I am low life soap scum but its fine, I just wish one day he will understand how much he really did mean to me.
They always say one door closes another one opens. I hope so we shall see. I am off to another day in the life of Jill! No disappointment today! Live the dream! Dance like no one is watching! ALWAYS REMEMBER YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH! If someone can't see it they aren't worth it.
Keep the Faith! Peace Out Cub Scout!
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