Do you ever feel?

 Hello Blogger World! 

Have you ever felt like your world is crashing down and you can't do anything about it? You can't fake right to catch the pieces or fake left either. Well, this week has been such a world wind. I honestly am just numb to the pain and the last time I got this way was in 2016 when I left a job because it was toxic and it was just an employee who was there that I needed space from and my only choices were to leave or to have to pack up everything and move to Mt. View Wyoming. 

Let's go back to Friday evening. I got a text from my boss at 1643 saying I need to meet with you Monday morning before school. I text her and ask her why, no response, I call her and she ignores my calls. Nothing then at about 1710 she text back and I quote, "I will see you Monday morning at 7:50 and we will talk then" unquote. So what does that mean? You guessed it all weekend I was worried about being fired and what I was going to do. You know what, I finally came to terms with being fired and I was like that's okay, new adventure. I get to work. I get my carpool covered and go to meet with her at 0750 and guess who is late, you guessed right. Then she tries to make small talk with me and I don't do small talk after I have already prepared for the worst. I went into the office and the first thing she said was sorry to make me worry all weekend. She said it with a laugh. She wasn't sorry or she would have told me not to worry about it. Well, anyway she informed me that I was too abrasive at carpool because a parent complained and after doing some investigation I was the person. I emailed her later that day and asked her and she said, "The parent told me that they felt you were extremely curt in your responses and timelines." What because I follow the APA guidelines, get the students in the car and get off the curb. She told me I needed to take a break from carpool and I told my other boss and she said no you don't! 

She also informed me that I don't respect authority and my text messages are not appropriate because I use shouty capitals sometimes. Well, don't ask my opinion if you don't want it. She told me ALL CAPS are not appropriate in a work setting ever. But yet she has sent three emails this week using them. WOW! Oh sorry wow. All caps are never appropriate. 

For some reason this is just something that I can't shake. Usually I can shake it off but this I can't because all weekend I was worried if I lost my job and worried about what I did wrong or what I didn't do. Don't come to me on a Friday and tell me to meet with you on a Monday if you aren't even going to explain why. I was wronged in this situation. Did I do something wrong yes and I will own it but you do not need to be little me. I have deleted and blocked her number and any communication she wants to have with me is via email or recorded anytime she talks to me because I am not playing this game anymore. I talked to my attorney for legal advice on this matter.

I honestly feel like my world is crashing and I can't pick up the pieces. I had a friend who was super strong for me Monday when I needed someone to care. He was there checking on me. He listened and didn't even give advice he just listened and that is what I needed. I didn't need advice, I just needed someone to listen to how hard it has been. 

As I sit in a training today I just sit here saying is this really what I want my life to be like. Is this where I want to be for the rest of my life? Do I go back to school? Do I follow my 8 year old dreams? What would my 8 year old self say? It was to say wow Jill you messed up. You took the easy road. Why did you give up on something you wanted to be? Why did you stop working for your goals? Why did you let what someone said to you affect your choices? YOU CAN BECOME an attorney and open my own law firm in Rhode Island? You can do anything just don't give up, keep fighting the fight! YOU CAN DO THIS! 

Well, I am off to my next adventure. Until next time Peace Out Cub scout. Work hard, Play harder, RUN YOUR HEART OUT! Never lose sight of the end goal. Keep the Faith! Peace and Love! Over and Out! When life gets hard, drink a COKE! 😊 

Students are People too.

 Hello Blogger Fam! 

I wrote this a week ago. I want to share a story about my week. I know I have talked about fear before and I am sure you are saying Jill what are you afraid of now. I teach first grade and I used to love my job but this year has been hard. I have a wonderful bunch of students and a few special friends. I want to tell you about Wednesday. 

I went to school as I always do and got here a little later than usual because I talked too long at the gym but that's fine. It is where I complain and they just listen like they understand what I am saying. I get the best advice at 0530 in the morning. Just a normal day and then at 0945 a switch flipped in one of my students, he tried to escape texted who I needed to then finally sent the rest to recess at 1000. At 1015 when they come back I am at the East door and Mr. Friendly is at the West door taking punches from this student. I say hey Harley (name changed) I need your help he comes to me and then I hear Mr. Friendly say you will not hit her. So Harley runs back to the door to get out at this point Mr. Friendly is outside holding it. I am teaching cursive and praying so hard for this to be over. The look in that student's eye was like I am going to hurt you. The anger in that student I saw that day. I am afraid of animals as you all know. That fear filled my heart and my mind. I was standing at the back of the room trying to figure out how to save my students from this angry soul. I am paralyzed I can't move, I can't breathe. My boss sends a text, Jill we just need the data, I'm sorry you are doing great. I'm holding back the scared tears. Then a lady comes in and tackles him and I get my class to look at me and then I send them to math. Shaken, confused, scared in the corner and the only thing I could do was pray in my head to be able to teach math and to get out of the corner.  Ever since I was 16 when I lost my best friend when times have gotten hard I have sung I am a Child of God in my head. That is the only thing that day that kept the tears away, because I knew my Heavenly Father loved me! He loved my little Harley too. I know that my Heavenly Father will protect me always but this day was a day that I knew it, because I couldn't have finished the day without the love of my Heavenly Father and help. I will never forget the way I felt that day and the fear that was inside me. I learned a valuable lesson that day. You can only ignore so much until then you can't move, you can't breathe and you just pray to make it out alive. I never want my students in my class to ever have to feel like that. I am there to protect them and I will do whatever it takes to protect them! 

I know that you are probably thinking Jill you are over dramatic and yes most days I am but not this day. It was a huge thing and yet still nothing is really being done about it. I ate lunch in my car even though I am not supposed to. I ate lunch there because I knew that it was safe and no one could get to me or hurt me in there because I have the power to keep them out. What an adventure of the week! I love my job! I love my students. Sometimes you just get some punches that you aren't ready for. 

Well, I am off to my next adventure. Until next time Peace Out Cub scout. Work hard, Play harder, RUN YOUR HEART OUT! Never lose sight of the end goal. Keep the Faith! Peace and Love! Over and Out! When life gets hard, drink a COKE! 😊