Words that Reigned True

 Hello Blogger Fam! 

I would like to tell you of an experience I have had this week. As I have been thinking about life and what I am doing with my life. Back in July I went to ward auxiliary and one of the sisters in my ward was struggling. Her mom had a health scare and as we were sitting in ward auxiliary meeting the Bishop said if you need anything please let us know, we are a ward family and you don't have to go through this alone. As I think about those words I never thought they would enter my mind again. Well they have and haven't left. The weather has gotten colder and my roommate right now my worst enemy won't let us run the heat because she gets too hot and the broiler makes a noise that it shouldn't make and I can hear it from my room which is two floors above hers. Well, anyway, Wednesday night it was cold and Thursday I woke up to a 57 degree house. Mind you I have my heat set up to 65 and it has been there for a month and no change in temperature. Thursday, I had finally gotten word that the heat people were going to come finally. I was at a relief society activity and someone said Jill you look stressed. I said with a sigh my heat is broken and I just can't handle it anymore. The next thing I know she brings me a space heater and said I hope this helps. I have never been one to ask for help because I don't want to be an inconvenience to people and growing up we never asked for help because that was a sign of weakness. That moment I told Lexi my heat was broken was the moment those words entered my mind. We are a ward family and you don't have to do this alone. I never have turned to the ward for help because I don't need them to know my struggles but Thursday I was so cold and upset that the heat was broken. That I just complained and wanted someone to listen and not only one person but the whole bishopric and a few others. 

It was amazing to me to see how everyone was so concerned about my heat being broken and all the text that I got to see if my heat was fixed. I had many people say if you need a heater please let us know. Even the next morning at the gym the Bishop asked if my heat got fixed and I said no Monday and he yet again said if you need some heaters let us know. Was I going to ask no of course not it wasn't his fault my roommate is an idiot and it wasn't his fault it didn't work. Let me tell you something. Not having heat sucks. I am so thankful for my ward family who has let me borrow some space heaters so I can keep warm and not freeze. I am so thankful to be a part of my ward. It has taken a while but I do love this ward and the people in it. I have learned this week that you have a ward family to lean on when life is hard even if it is just because your heat is broken. I am truly blessed to be a part of this ward! 

Well, I am off to my next adventure. until next time Peace Out Cub Scout. Work hard, Play harder and Run your heart out. Never lose sight of the end goal. Keep the Faith! Peace and Love! Over and Out! When life gets hard, drink a CHERRY COKE! 😊

Answer to my prayers

 Hello Blogger Fam! 

How lucky can a girl get?! I got to go and see my best friend in Oklahoma. It was a delay to get there but I got there and it was the best thing ever! I loved seeing her and how happy she was. I have longed for that happiness for months. Not just like fake happiness that you want people to see but true happiness. The happiness where you can see it in someone's face. I have wanted that as this school year has taken it from me it has drained me. It has pushed buttons I didn't even know I had. It has brought our fears I didn't know existed and even has shown me that you don't outgrow things. 

Oklahoma was amazing! I love the kindness of the people and the love that they had for each other. I loved to see what my friend found and the adventures we went on. 

Many people asked me why I went. I didn't only go to see my best friend I went to find myself. I went to do some soul searching, did I find what I was looking for? Yes, I did but I also learned many other things. I learned that sometimes things our out of your control and you just have to be patient and wait out the storm. I learned that I would rather be alive than dead. Before I left for Oklahoma, I had prayed many times to die and the answer was always not yet, not yet. I was done. I couldn't do it anymore. I went and came back happy and someone said I am so happy to see your smile again. The last time I lost my smile I was in a very toxic place. Smiling again and laughing has helped me make it through these past two weeks back at work. 

Work is hard and I love being a teacher but this year I was questioning my decisions, I am glad I stayed and stuck it out and never gave up. I want to share a story with you about something that has changed my perspective. I have a little friend Harley named changed. He is a very spunky, smart hardworking student, but sometimes I don't know what happens and he just goes crazy.  Recently a new adult has come to help him and can I just tell you that it has been such a blessing in my life to have this person in my classroom and in my corner. Not only does Mr. Muscles take care of Harley he helps my other friends too. He has changed the atmosphere in my classroom and has made it calmer. Mr. Muscles is truly an answer to my prayers and my mom's too. My mom hasn't had very many crying phone calls. Of I want to quit, I give up, I can't do it anymore. I think I can make it. It is amazing for me to see the change in my stress level with someone else in my classroom just to help with my special friend and my other friends too. Mr. Muscles has changed my life only in the short time he has been in my classroom and I am so grateful for that! He will never know what an impact he has had. Thank you for being an answer to my prayers! 

Life is starting to look up again. Not saying it is getting easier but it is bearable and I can breathe again. I am so thankful for a father in heaven who listens and knows what is best for me even when I don't. I am thankful to know that he is listening to all of my prayers, even the crying and pleading ones. I am thankful to know that he hears even the silent ones that no one knows.  

Well, I am off to my next adventure. Until next time Peace Out Cub scout. Work hard, Play harder, RUN YOUR HEART OUT! Never lose sight of the end goal. Keep the Faith! Peace and Love! Over and Out! When life gets hard, drink a COKE! 😊 

 

 

This is the happy girl that I knew was hiding deep down inside.