Two Weeks Changed my Life

The last two weeks have truly changed my life. I have learned so many things. I have seen how hard it is to not understand the language. The journey has been so hard but it has been totally worth it. I noticed today as I looked for the positive that everything works out better. I learned that I want to be a better person. I am going to be more positive. I have been with a negative Nancy for the past two weeks and I have come to see how you can only handle so much. People don't deserve that. You can be unhappy but you can choose to be happy. It is a choice. I have seen how negativity affects everyone not just you. I am so thankful for all the adventures I have had. My life has truly been changed for the best. I have seen how hard struggles can help mold you into the person you were meant to be. I have come to see that things that I never thought were possible were.
I wouldn't be where I am today with out my Wonderful​ parents. They taught me to live my life and follow my heart and I have done just that. I am so thankful that they let me go to Peru. I know it wasn't the easiest especially with all the Drs visits that I had to get here.
This experience has truly changed me! Life is hard but it is worth it in the end. I am finally understanding why my life is turning out different than I planned. Life is a rollercoaster. Hand on tight and go for the ride​, it's worth it.
Keep the faith! Off to bed! Living the dream and keeping the Faith. Until next time! Peace out cub scout!

The Day they Left Me to Fly

I remember a day when they left me at a place I never thought possible. I cried for weeks because I knew I wouldn't see them for a long time! They hugged me and said return with honor and I did just that. They left me a week ago at the airport in the security line and said we'll see you soon. I didn't comprehend the adventures I was going on. It didn't seem real I got to Peru and that still seemed so surreal. As I sat alone for a day that was when I knew I was on my own and no one cared. I knew my parents did. I knew they did because they left me at the airport to embark on my Peru Adventure. I love that they let me go to Peru to see the schools here. I loved to see the students there they were so loving. I don't speak the language but it is amazing to see how they love to have visitors.
I am so thankful that my parents let me go. They got me all set to go. They helped me pack. They got me all ready. When they left the security line. I knew that for once in my life that nothing is impossible. I am so thankful that they let me spread my wings to fly and are willing to pick up the pieces when I fall.
I am off to bed! Keep the faith! Never lose sight of the end goal. Work hard play hard run runner. Peace out Cub scout!

Double Life

My double life. I once had someone tell me I have a double life you know what I do. You can take the girl from Brigham City but you can't take the City from the girl. I have two lives one up there and one in Utah County. I walked away from my Brigham life in 2016 I go back because it is a comfort place. It helps me know that I am a person and I can be who I need to be. My life has changed being in Utah County it has made me a better person and a stronger one. I have seen how one choice can make the world of difference and how it can change your life for the worst or the better. I had this friend who I trusted who has helped me along the way and something has changed now we don't talk. He doesn't even give me the time of day. He taught me that every time you trust someone they turn around and walk away. I lost my best friend. I asked to be released from my calling because I couldn't do it because he wouldn't help me and I couldn't take the tears anymore. After I got released from the Relief Society Presidency our relationship changed. I was worried that it would and it changed for the worst. I lost my best friend someone who didn't judge me and accepted me for me, it never mattered to him where I came from or where I have been. He listened to me rant and complain about the silly things that bother me. I know they were silly to him but yet he listened.
You may think I live a double life but you have to know that Brigham was my comfort zone I know it like the back of my hand. My friends are there and my old job and job family is there. I know that I am one person and I have to chose which life I want to live. I can't run away from Utah County because life gets hard. My mom didn't raise quitters! We fight hard to get where we want to be. Money doesn't grow on trees you have to work hard to get what you want. I work because I know how and I know how important it is. Life is hard and Karma is a beast it bite back hard.
Brigham is a part of me. You can take the Girl from Brigham City but you can't take the City from the girl. If you don't accept both of my lives walk out of my life because I will always have a love for Brigham city.
My life has not been how I had my life plan but I wouldn't change how it turned out for anything in the world. I have had some amazing experiences. Life is hard but never lose sight of the end goal. Nothing is impossible. Keep the faith! Run hard play hard but RUN HARDER!

I didn't like the outcome.

The Doctor says one thing one month then something else the next. I am done you are not helping me, you are scaring me. I don't sleep at night because I am scared I am going to die on my flight to Peru or home because I am at high risk for a blood clot. I pretend I am okay when in all reality I am not and I am done faking it. My left foot is swollen some days I can't fit it in my running shoe so I force it in and pretend it doesn't hurt and when it hurts so bad I want to die I run harder because I think the faster I run the less it will hurt. I will take the pain after like a champ. I am done with the tears. I am done with this fight.
The Doctor says I need to go to the surgeon the next month he just wants to laser my foot to take the pain away is that going to take away my being tired all the time. I have to take a nap during the day just to make it through. I have never been so tired in my life. I have learned that you just have to pretend you aren't tired and keep moving on and push through it. It is easier some days. It is all just how you look at it.
I don't like the outcome but it is what it is! Keep Believing! Never Give Up!!!
I trusted that doctor and he has done nothing for me gave me some nasty medicine that makes me sick and then a supplement that is so terrible I would rather kill myself than take it, thank goodness I ran out of it. I am tired of being tired and not feeling good. I tell everyone I am fine when I know I am not but I don't want sympathy. I wake up early so I can fit everything in in a day. I have to much I want to accomplish before I die.
I am so excited to go to Peru. I am a little nervous but it will be an adventure. It will be so great to see how others learn. I am so thankful for my parents and their willingness to let me go. You better believe it I have worked hard to get where I am today. I am paying for Peru by myself. I am so thankful that my parents taught me to be a hard worker and responsible. Sometimes I wish they wouldn't of taught us that.
Life is full of disappointment it is all in how you take it. I had a best friend who I truly trusted and told him a lot about my life. I should of remembered every time I trust someone they leave or I have to distance myself from them. Well he was one of the first people I trusted since my mission it took him 10 months to gain that trust and he lost it within a week. I sometimes wish I didn't trust people because then there is less disappointment and you don't expect anything from anyone.
I am fighting an uphill battle one that I feel like will never end. I have lost sight of the end goal. I should of taken the other job and worked two jobs. It isn't worth being down in Utah County anymore. No one cares the tears fall and no one ever knows. I don't let them see the weak side of me because I am not WEAK! My mom didn't raise weak sauce children she raised STRONG FIGHTERS! I just have to keep fighting! She didn't raise no quitter because if she did I wouldn't be where I am today!
I never realized how good I had it until it was all gone. Life changes and you have to know what battles you want to fight and the ones you need to walk away from. I have learned over this past month that I need to walk away from something that meant so much to me. I am walking away because I will never be good enough for him. I will never deserve someone like him. I have learned that I am low life soap scum but its fine, I just wish one day he will understand how much he really did mean to me.
They always say one door closes another one opens. I hope so we shall see. I am off to another day in the life of Jill! No disappointment today! Live the dream! Dance like no one is watching! ALWAYS REMEMBER YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH!  If someone can't see it they aren't worth it.
Keep the Faith! Peace Out Cub Scout!

I miss the North Dakota Sunsets

Grand Forks North Dakota

North Dakota sunsets please come back to me. Even on the hardest days I always knew the sun would set. The same sun that shined on me was shining on my family. It took care of them for me while I was away. Today as I saw the sunset tears came to my eyes because I for once truly missed the mission. I miss the sunsets that came on the days that I thought life was impossible. I am sad today that life defeated me. I know I need to keep fighting to take those test! One more time is all I need I got this! I am going to win this! I am Jill Dallon I will never stop trying! Never lose faith in the simple things. I miss the sunsets. I miss the cool breeze. I miss the humidity. I just miss North Dakota please take me back. I want to be there, I want to see the people I love. Why did I think Peru was a good idea I should of saved my money to go to North Dakota. I never thought I would miss it!
Life is hard at times but you can't give up on the fight. Keep your chin up! There is a light at the end of the tunnel. It may seem impossible but there is always a way. With Christ anything is possible. I know that to be true because if it wasn't I wouldn't be here. I wouldn't be who I am today. I have fought different battles than you, you fight different ones than me.
I miss the sunsets they are a blessing in my life! Its the simple things that matter the most. Sunsets are amazing because they are full of color. I just wish everyone could see them as I do. Everyday is a new adventure! Spring is just a around the corner. I am so excited. Keep the faith! Sunsets are amazing! Take the time to enjoy them. I know it is easier said then done! Don't lose sight of the end goal! You are loved!

American Fork Utah

Are you okay?!

NO I AM NOT so please stop asking! Honestly I hate that question. The tears come and I think I have myself together and it comes again and they fall. I am not okay. I am fighting so hard for something that means so much to me. It isn't worth the fight anymore. I quit my job, I am getting released from my calling, I am getting to close to a boy I like that will never like me, and I am not passing the tests I need. I am done fighting the losing fight. I am running back to what I know. I am running back to the bakery because it is safe there and I know it. I have stepped out of my box and my shell and I am going back to it.

The frustration comes and it goes the tears come and go it doesn't make it any better. Losing the light at the end of the tunnel. The test aren't impossible they are just a different battle for everyone for me it is an uphill battle. I have taken it 10 times I have taken classes gotten different books and studied my little heart out. I missed spending time with my family because I had to study and now I see all the fun I missed. My heart is sad but I am ready to walk away knowing that I tried. I fought a hard hard fight. I am giving up. I will win another battle. Teaching is just not for me and that is totally fine, it isn't for everybody.
I go home from a test just defeated and my aunts answer is going shopping and I just want to cry my eyes out because I know that I am the dumbest person in the world. I had a friend once call me dumb all the time maybe he was right. We go shopping it makes her feel better it just makes me feel worse because she is buying me stuff and she doesn't really need to. She does it because it makes her feel better it just makes me feel worse. I really appreciate it I do. It helps numb the pain a little bit but the defeat is still there. No one understands how bad it hurts. They all tell me sorry and that I have tried so hard. It isn't meant to be a wise man once sang, "you got to know when you hold 'em, know when to fold 'em, know when to walk away and know when to run". It is time to walk away and say its alright my life is just going in a different direction than I would of anticipated. Is that bad no. Am I okay not right now but I will be. It will take time but it will heal the broken heart. The tears will stop and the smile will shine through again. It will take a few days but anything is possible if you believe in your dreams.
Follow your heart! It always know where its supposed to go. Sometimes it isn't where you want to go it is in a completely different direction. Let go and move one don't let the past hold you back there is no point in looking back. Look for the future! Look for the Positive! These test I can't pass don't say I am stupid they just say I learn different than others.
Keep the faith! Life sucks sometimes but you will make it. You have before. For Pete sake you lived through a mission this is nothing compared to that. You got this you are smart, you are loved! Keep your Chin Up! Don't lose sight of the end goal!

Does the Savior really know me?

Today my prayers have been answered I got everything I ever wanted for the past year. I wanted to be released from my calling and now that it's reality my heart is crying so hard. I loved to complain about how imperfect those sweet sisters where. I not once thought I was imperfect I know I am.
I got the news today my heart is crying, for two reasons. First, because it's over. I never knew how much I loved my calling until it was taken from me. I have grown closer to my Savior what people don't know. When I got this calling I was angry at the world and wanted to die. Many times I prayed to die. I pleaded to have my heavenly Father take me away from my life. That wasn't his plan. He gave me this calling to strengthen me to help me come back to him, and to keep me active.
Secondly, I will miss the closeness I have felt with the Lord. When I first started this calling I remember going on visits Thursday nights. I remember the second time I went. I met this boy we talked outside my car for awhile. Right before we went our separate ways the words Dallin can I hug you came out of my mouth, I didn't even register what I said until I was hugging him. That was the day I knew my heavenly Father loved me. He always has and always will. That was the day I felt like no one cared and I was worthless. But that day I knew Dallin did, he truly cared about me at that moment I knew heavenly Father knew me. Heavenly Father put Dallin in my life when I needed someone the most. When I was in the lowest part of my life Dallin walked in. I have had a crush on this boy. He is the sweetest thing on the planet. I know that I will never be good enough for him. He deserves only the best. He is so amazing. I am so thankful for the opportunity I have to know this boy and to have had this calling.
My life has been changed for the better. Dallin taught me so much while I was in this calling. When I felt alone Dallin would always ask how I was doing. He helped me so much. Heavenly Father knows what's best for me. He took away my calling and Dallin.
I know my heavenly Father is just shaping me into who he wants me to be. I hope one day to be good enough for someone. I am so thankful for the opportunity I have had to be apart of the relief society presidency.
I am off to my next adventure. Keep the faith! The Lord knows best! He will always love you no matter what even when you feel unlovable he will love you. He has wrapped his arms around me a few times this past month but today I feel them the strongest. Never lose sight of the end goal.