I didn't like the outcome.

The Doctor says one thing one month then something else the next. I am done you are not helping me, you are scaring me. I don't sleep at night because I am scared I am going to die on my flight to Peru or home because I am at high risk for a blood clot. I pretend I am okay when in all reality I am not and I am done faking it. My left foot is swollen some days I can't fit it in my running shoe so I force it in and pretend it doesn't hurt and when it hurts so bad I want to die I run harder because I think the faster I run the less it will hurt. I will take the pain after like a champ. I am done with the tears. I am done with this fight.
The Doctor says I need to go to the surgeon the next month he just wants to laser my foot to take the pain away is that going to take away my being tired all the time. I have to take a nap during the day just to make it through. I have never been so tired in my life. I have learned that you just have to pretend you aren't tired and keep moving on and push through it. It is easier some days. It is all just how you look at it.
I don't like the outcome but it is what it is! Keep Believing! Never Give Up!!!
I trusted that doctor and he has done nothing for me gave me some nasty medicine that makes me sick and then a supplement that is so terrible I would rather kill myself than take it, thank goodness I ran out of it. I am tired of being tired and not feeling good. I tell everyone I am fine when I know I am not but I don't want sympathy. I wake up early so I can fit everything in in a day. I have to much I want to accomplish before I die.
I am so excited to go to Peru. I am a little nervous but it will be an adventure. It will be so great to see how others learn. I am so thankful for my parents and their willingness to let me go. You better believe it I have worked hard to get where I am today. I am paying for Peru by myself. I am so thankful that my parents taught me to be a hard worker and responsible. Sometimes I wish they wouldn't of taught us that.
Life is full of disappointment it is all in how you take it. I had a best friend who I truly trusted and told him a lot about my life. I should of remembered every time I trust someone they leave or I have to distance myself from them. Well he was one of the first people I trusted since my mission it took him 10 months to gain that trust and he lost it within a week. I sometimes wish I didn't trust people because then there is less disappointment and you don't expect anything from anyone.
I am fighting an uphill battle one that I feel like will never end. I have lost sight of the end goal. I should of taken the other job and worked two jobs. It isn't worth being down in Utah County anymore. No one cares the tears fall and no one ever knows. I don't let them see the weak side of me because I am not WEAK! My mom didn't raise weak sauce children she raised STRONG FIGHTERS! I just have to keep fighting! She didn't raise no quitter because if she did I wouldn't be where I am today!
I never realized how good I had it until it was all gone. Life changes and you have to know what battles you want to fight and the ones you need to walk away from. I have learned over this past month that I need to walk away from something that meant so much to me. I am walking away because I will never be good enough for him. I will never deserve someone like him. I have learned that I am low life soap scum but its fine, I just wish one day he will understand how much he really did mean to me.
They always say one door closes another one opens. I hope so we shall see. I am off to another day in the life of Jill! No disappointment today! Live the dream! Dance like no one is watching! ALWAYS REMEMBER YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH!  If someone can't see it they aren't worth it.
Keep the Faith! Peace Out Cub Scout!