Do you ever feel?

 Hello Blogger World! 

Have you ever felt like your world is crashing down and you can't do anything about it? You can't fake right to catch the pieces or fake left either. Well, this week has been such a world wind. I honestly am just numb to the pain and the last time I got this way was in 2016 when I left a job because it was toxic and it was just an employee who was there that I needed space from and my only choices were to leave or to have to pack up everything and move to Mt. View Wyoming. 

Let's go back to Friday evening. I got a text from my boss at 1643 saying I need to meet with you Monday morning before school. I text her and ask her why, no response, I call her and she ignores my calls. Nothing then at about 1710 she text back and I quote, "I will see you Monday morning at 7:50 and we will talk then" unquote. So what does that mean? You guessed it all weekend I was worried about being fired and what I was going to do. You know what, I finally came to terms with being fired and I was like that's okay, new adventure. I get to work. I get my carpool covered and go to meet with her at 0750 and guess who is late, you guessed right. Then she tries to make small talk with me and I don't do small talk after I have already prepared for the worst. I went into the office and the first thing she said was sorry to make me worry all weekend. She said it with a laugh. She wasn't sorry or she would have told me not to worry about it. Well, anyway she informed me that I was too abrasive at carpool because a parent complained and after doing some investigation I was the person. I emailed her later that day and asked her and she said, "The parent told me that they felt you were extremely curt in your responses and timelines." What because I follow the APA guidelines, get the students in the car and get off the curb. She told me I needed to take a break from carpool and I told my other boss and she said no you don't! 

She also informed me that I don't respect authority and my text messages are not appropriate because I use shouty capitals sometimes. Well, don't ask my opinion if you don't want it. She told me ALL CAPS are not appropriate in a work setting ever. But yet she has sent three emails this week using them. WOW! Oh sorry wow. All caps are never appropriate. 

For some reason this is just something that I can't shake. Usually I can shake it off but this I can't because all weekend I was worried if I lost my job and worried about what I did wrong or what I didn't do. Don't come to me on a Friday and tell me to meet with you on a Monday if you aren't even going to explain why. I was wronged in this situation. Did I do something wrong yes and I will own it but you do not need to be little me. I have deleted and blocked her number and any communication she wants to have with me is via email or recorded anytime she talks to me because I am not playing this game anymore. I talked to my attorney for legal advice on this matter.

I honestly feel like my world is crashing and I can't pick up the pieces. I had a friend who was super strong for me Monday when I needed someone to care. He was there checking on me. He listened and didn't even give advice he just listened and that is what I needed. I didn't need advice, I just needed someone to listen to how hard it has been. 

As I sit in a training today I just sit here saying is this really what I want my life to be like. Is this where I want to be for the rest of my life? Do I go back to school? Do I follow my 8 year old dreams? What would my 8 year old self say? It was to say wow Jill you messed up. You took the easy road. Why did you give up on something you wanted to be? Why did you stop working for your goals? Why did you let what someone said to you affect your choices? YOU CAN BECOME an attorney and open my own law firm in Rhode Island? You can do anything just don't give up, keep fighting the fight! YOU CAN DO THIS! 

Well, I am off to my next adventure. Until next time Peace Out Cub scout. Work hard, Play harder, RUN YOUR HEART OUT! Never lose sight of the end goal. Keep the Faith! Peace and Love! Over and Out! When life gets hard, drink a COKE! 😊 

Students are People too.

 Hello Blogger Fam! 

I wrote this a week ago. I want to share a story about my week. I know I have talked about fear before and I am sure you are saying Jill what are you afraid of now. I teach first grade and I used to love my job but this year has been hard. I have a wonderful bunch of students and a few special friends. I want to tell you about Wednesday. 

I went to school as I always do and got here a little later than usual because I talked too long at the gym but that's fine. It is where I complain and they just listen like they understand what I am saying. I get the best advice at 0530 in the morning. Just a normal day and then at 0945 a switch flipped in one of my students, he tried to escape texted who I needed to then finally sent the rest to recess at 1000. At 1015 when they come back I am at the East door and Mr. Friendly is at the West door taking punches from this student. I say hey Harley (name changed) I need your help he comes to me and then I hear Mr. Friendly say you will not hit her. So Harley runs back to the door to get out at this point Mr. Friendly is outside holding it. I am teaching cursive and praying so hard for this to be over. The look in that student's eye was like I am going to hurt you. The anger in that student I saw that day. I am afraid of animals as you all know. That fear filled my heart and my mind. I was standing at the back of the room trying to figure out how to save my students from this angry soul. I am paralyzed I can't move, I can't breathe. My boss sends a text, Jill we just need the data, I'm sorry you are doing great. I'm holding back the scared tears. Then a lady comes in and tackles him and I get my class to look at me and then I send them to math. Shaken, confused, scared in the corner and the only thing I could do was pray in my head to be able to teach math and to get out of the corner.  Ever since I was 16 when I lost my best friend when times have gotten hard I have sung I am a Child of God in my head. That is the only thing that day that kept the tears away, because I knew my Heavenly Father loved me! He loved my little Harley too. I know that my Heavenly Father will protect me always but this day was a day that I knew it, because I couldn't have finished the day without the love of my Heavenly Father and help. I will never forget the way I felt that day and the fear that was inside me. I learned a valuable lesson that day. You can only ignore so much until then you can't move, you can't breathe and you just pray to make it out alive. I never want my students in my class to ever have to feel like that. I am there to protect them and I will do whatever it takes to protect them! 

I know that you are probably thinking Jill you are over dramatic and yes most days I am but not this day. It was a huge thing and yet still nothing is really being done about it. I ate lunch in my car even though I am not supposed to. I ate lunch there because I knew that it was safe and no one could get to me or hurt me in there because I have the power to keep them out. What an adventure of the week! I love my job! I love my students. Sometimes you just get some punches that you aren't ready for. 

Well, I am off to my next adventure. Until next time Peace Out Cub scout. Work hard, Play harder, RUN YOUR HEART OUT! Never lose sight of the end goal. Keep the Faith! Peace and Love! Over and Out! When life gets hard, drink a COKE! 😊 

Courage is a Great thing!

 Hello Blogger Fam! 

I just wanted to say hey, I know it has been awhile since I blogged but I just wanted to let you know that somedays are harder than others. This week has been one of those weeks. Not that my life is hard, just that everything has seemed to pile up and you know what I finally broke. I hate how we live in a world where you just can't be honest with others and say what you feel. I have so much I want to say that I can't. My blog has always been my safe place to say how I feel and to just be me but for once I can't do that and it is so hard for me. But I can tell you something good that has happened amongst all the bad that has happened to me this week! 

You know those weeks where everything is just hard and then something happens and it just doesn't get better and you are then like I'm done I'm over it well this was one of those weeks but let me tell you what turned the week around. 

I would like to tell you that for once in my life I decided that I was going to ask the cutest boy in the ward for ice cream. Did it take me 5 months to get the courage of course it did but I did it and he said yes! It was so fun! He was so kind and such a gentleman. There are still good men in the world! I had given up on dating just because every date that I have has been terrible but this week something changed. I asked this boy out and HE SAID YES! He even paid for my ice cream. I was going to pay since I made the plans and asked. What a great thing to happen on such a crappy week. I am so thankful for this wonderful soul who took the time out of his busy schedule to go and get ice cream with me. When he could have said no. I am so glad he didn't. I am so thankful for him and his sweet spirit and kindness. It made my heart smile and yesterday was the first time it has smiled in a long time. I am so thankful for the love and kindness that he showed me. He doesn't know that, that would be an answer to my prayers. I know my heavenly father loves me and shows me in the simplest ways. Whether it is through a kind sir or if it is just a good day with my students. I am so thankful for the tender mercies that I get everyday! 

I am off to my next adventure. Until next time Peace Out Cub scout. Work hard, Play harder, RUN YOUR HEART OUT! Never lose sight of the end goal. Keep the Faith! Peace and Love! Over and Out! When life gets hard, drink a COKE! 😊 

The Check In

Hello Blogger Fam!

What a crazy month I have had! School started and I have quite the bunch of students. I love them so much! I would like to tell you a story about what has happened in my life. Over the past few days my mom has gotten sick and it reminds me of when I was 18 years old so 12 years ago almost to the day. She is sick with an infection they don't know how or where it is coming from. She spent time in the ER, same story, go see your normal Dr. Then the doctor calls the hospital and finds out why they didn't do anything they should have to help her. I swear if she dies because of the ER not doing their job they will have a lawsuit on their hands. Again we are in the same boat. She has another doctor's appointment on Thursday to see if they can figure out the problem. I just worry because last time this happened my mom had to choose if she was going to live or die. I know she is strong enough to fight it. 

Heart warming story of the day. 

I didn't go to the gym in the morning because my head was hurting, I was tired you know all the excuses. I didn't think much about it. I would tell the Bishop why I wasn't there today. Instead I got a text at 0618 this morning. What it said was so simple. Hey Jill, I missed you this morning. I hope you are doing okay. Have a good day. Did he know I needed a little extra love today? Did he know how much the simple text would mean to me today? Did he really know I wasn't doing okay? Did I tell him what was happening in my life, no I didn't. I told a neighbor at home who I knew would take care of my mom as she always does when I ask her to check on her. Without missing a beat at 1310 she said Does your dad need dinner? I said yes. I was going to drive home to make them dinner. I wasn't going to take away the opportunity for her to serve. I am so thankful for this sweet lady and her knowing that I was going to drive home after work to make dinner and she just said I will make dinner. It was something so small but it meant the world to me. 

 

Today I also had a student crying because they missed their adults and I told them that I did too and I wanted to cry too. I said, can we be strong together as I hugged this student, they responded to me. Ms. Dallon I can be strong for you today, you are strong for me everyday today I can be strong for you. 

I am so lucky to be a teacher and to have such an awesome class! I am so thankful for them. I am so thankful for the Bishop and my sweet neighbor who are willing to give me extra love and to help my family. I am so thankful and blessed for all the people in my life who are there for me when I need someone and when I need just a little extra love.

I am off to my next adventure. Until next time Peace Out Cub scout. Work hard, Play harder, RUN YOUR HEART OUT! Never lose sight of the end goal. Keep the Faith! Peace and Love! Over and Out!When life gets hard, drink a COKE! 😊 

It all Depends on you..... I will be here...

 Hello Blogger Fam! 

I wrote this Friday and I'm just posting it today. 

Today is Friday and the end of testing for my 1st graders! Glorious day! I want to tell you about an experience I had this morning at the gym. I go to the gym in the morning at 0500 so I get up at 0430 so I can read my scriptures and make lunch. Today was a hard morning not because it was Friday. I was just too tired and I didn't want to go and fight the treadmill.  

Back story, I was about 6 or 7 and my brother and I were playing on my mom's cousin's treadmill and we turned it up full blast and needless to say I flew off and burned my face, legs and feet on the belt of the treadmill. Every time I run on the treadmill, that is the image I see and it replays in my head on repeat. 

I was running today trying not to let the fear get to me. I am running just thinking about till I am done and get off this horrible machine. I can run outside for miles and miles, but treadmill max is 2 miles. I got off today and it is Friday so I go and  talk to my Bishop as I do Monday, Wednesdays and Fridays because he goes to the gym in the morning too. Monday he told me I was MIA at church last week and I was, because I was coming home from an adventure to Arizona. So, me being me I was like "Hey, I'll see you Monday. I am going to plant my parents flowers this weekend." He said, "in Brigham City?" I said, "yup." So I then said I will see you on Monday and he said something that really hit me hard today and I don't know what it was so important today that I needed to hear this but it was just what I needed to hear! He said, "It all depends on you. I'll be here." I was shocked and it stopped me in my tracks and I said, "you are right. I will be here." 

Why today that IT ALL DEPENDS ON YOU was so important I don't know but I needed to hear that today. The way he said it was so loving and genuine. He said it in a way that  helped me know he genuinely cared about me and my well being. 

That is just like life. When life is hard and you have nowhere else to turn, that is usually when people turn to the higher being they believe in! I know that my Heavenly Father is always there listening and waiting for me to come to him and today was the day that I knew my Heavenly Father loves me as he always does but today he answered a silent prayer that I didn't know that I was praying. 

That made me think about my life and all that has happened over these past few weeks and you know what it is my life and it all depends on me. I have heard those words many times but today I heard them in a different way. A way that really hit home. Everything that happens in my life depends on me. I am the driver of my life. 

After having a hard day yesterday wanting to punch someone in the face and not caring about the consequences to a whole different perspective. I am so thankful for the Bishop who goes to the gym in the morning who has the guts to talk to me after the treadmill because we all know that takes guts! 

When life gets hard, drink a COKE! 

I am off to my next adventure. Until next time Peace Out Cub scout. Work hard, Play harder, RUN YOUR HEART OUT! Never lose sight of the end goal. Keep the Faith! Peace and Love! Over and Out!

Take matters into your own hands! You control your DESTINY!

 Hello Blogger Fam! 

I know you are probably thinking Jill you are late on your post for last week! You are right! I went out of town and didn't have wifi most of the weekend. Let me tell you about my adventures! 

First it all started two weeks ago when I took matters into my own hands. I called the state and talked to them about the Praxis to see if there was a different way to get my teaching certification. GUESS WHAT! They told me that I could email them all my scores and they would average them out to see if it was passing. It was for social studies but not for English but they just put a new law in place that if you have taken these courses then you can get your Praxis score waived. I had to contact my University. Long story short, the lady at the state went above and beyond to help me get it. After 7 years of taking this test I have finally got my teaching license. 

I started this process the 2nd of May and by the 10th of May I had a teaching license. I am so thankful for the Utah State Board of Education who take the time to help teachers like me reach their goals that they have been fighting for, for years! May 10th my LEA license that I was working on got expired by the state and by 3 PM that afternoon I had my Professional license. 

Just because I didn't like the answer that I got from my school of having to pay for my license. So I called and met with the state and BAM! Professional License.

Then I went with my friend to Phoenix, Arizona to drop off her cat to a new home! What a road trip! It was so fun! It was a long road trip but so worth it. We stayed in Phoenix and then went to Vegas but along the journey we stopped in some small town for breakfast! It was a cute little place called Horseshoe Cafe! It has pancakes bigger than my head, no joke! We then made it to Vegas and of course we went to the Coke Store, M&M Store and the Hershey Store! Then we went to St. George to see a coworker who helped me when I first started my teaching career. I love her and I am so thankful for her! 

I had a great weekend and week last week! I am so blessed to be who I am and to be where I am! I am so thankful for all the challenges and the struggles that it took to get me here! That is a week in review! 

Teaching is a hard job, but it is worth every minute. I love my job! I am so thankful for it! 

When life gets hard, drink a COKE!

I am off to my next adventure. Until next time Peace Out Cub scout. Work hard, Play harder, RUN YOUR HEART OUT! Never lose sight of the end goal. Keep the Faith! Peace and Love! Over and Out!

Great News! Life is looking up!

 Hello Blogger Fam! 

As promised I am blogging once a week in May to give you updates on life. 

I first want to start off by saying how lucky I am to be a teacher. I have been working for 7 years to pass a test as you all know. I finally took matters into my own hands and talked to the Utah State Board of Education Licensing and I have found out that I can get my teaching license. Finally, after all the defeat! I am moving up in the world.

Fighting for something you want is worth it, it is always on the lord's timing not yours. I have been fighting for so long and now that it is coming it is so crazy to me. 

The state has passed me on my Social Studies praxis! WAHOO!!! 27 times finally paid off! One more test to go or just my college courses! 

I am so thankful for the opportunity to be a teacher and to watch my students learn and grow. It is so amazing to see how far they have come from the first of the year to now. 

In the first grade where I work we have a Fiesta because we teach about Mexico. The Fiesta brings so much joy to their faces. They get so excited for the piñatas and the food. They are so excited to tell others what they have learned and how they learned it. I always say when I want them to remember something. I tell them to tell it to everyone they know, even to the random stranger in the grocery store. 

Teaching is a hard job, but it is worth every minute. I love my job! I am so thankful for it! 

When life gets hard, drink a COKE! 😊

I am off to my next adventure. Until next time Peace Out Cub scout. Work hard, Play harder, RUN YOUR HEART OUT! Never lose sight of the end goal. Keep the Faith! Peace and Love! Over and Out!