Do you ever feel?

 Hello Blogger World! 

Have you ever felt like your world is crashing down and you can't do anything about it? You can't fake right to catch the pieces or fake left either. Well, this week has been such a world wind. I honestly am just numb to the pain and the last time I got this way was in 2016 when I left a job because it was toxic and it was just an employee who was there that I needed space from and my only choices were to leave or to have to pack up everything and move to Mt. View Wyoming. 

Let's go back to Friday evening. I got a text from my boss at 1643 saying I need to meet with you Monday morning before school. I text her and ask her why, no response, I call her and she ignores my calls. Nothing then at about 1710 she text back and I quote, "I will see you Monday morning at 7:50 and we will talk then" unquote. So what does that mean? You guessed it all weekend I was worried about being fired and what I was going to do. You know what, I finally came to terms with being fired and I was like that's okay, new adventure. I get to work. I get my carpool covered and go to meet with her at 0750 and guess who is late, you guessed right. Then she tries to make small talk with me and I don't do small talk after I have already prepared for the worst. I went into the office and the first thing she said was sorry to make me worry all weekend. She said it with a laugh. She wasn't sorry or she would have told me not to worry about it. Well, anyway she informed me that I was too abrasive at carpool because a parent complained and after doing some investigation I was the person. I emailed her later that day and asked her and she said, "The parent told me that they felt you were extremely curt in your responses and timelines." What because I follow the APA guidelines, get the students in the car and get off the curb. She told me I needed to take a break from carpool and I told my other boss and she said no you don't! 

She also informed me that I don't respect authority and my text messages are not appropriate because I use shouty capitals sometimes. Well, don't ask my opinion if you don't want it. She told me ALL CAPS are not appropriate in a work setting ever. But yet she has sent three emails this week using them. WOW! Oh sorry wow. All caps are never appropriate. 

For some reason this is just something that I can't shake. Usually I can shake it off but this I can't because all weekend I was worried if I lost my job and worried about what I did wrong or what I didn't do. Don't come to me on a Friday and tell me to meet with you on a Monday if you aren't even going to explain why. I was wronged in this situation. Did I do something wrong yes and I will own it but you do not need to be little me. I have deleted and blocked her number and any communication she wants to have with me is via email or recorded anytime she talks to me because I am not playing this game anymore. I talked to my attorney for legal advice on this matter.

I honestly feel like my world is crashing and I can't pick up the pieces. I had a friend who was super strong for me Monday when I needed someone to care. He was there checking on me. He listened and didn't even give advice he just listened and that is what I needed. I didn't need advice, I just needed someone to listen to how hard it has been. 

As I sit in a training today I just sit here saying is this really what I want my life to be like. Is this where I want to be for the rest of my life? Do I go back to school? Do I follow my 8 year old dreams? What would my 8 year old self say? It was to say wow Jill you messed up. You took the easy road. Why did you give up on something you wanted to be? Why did you stop working for your goals? Why did you let what someone said to you affect your choices? YOU CAN BECOME an attorney and open my own law firm in Rhode Island? You can do anything just don't give up, keep fighting the fight! YOU CAN DO THIS! 

Well, I am off to my next adventure. Until next time Peace Out Cub scout. Work hard, Play harder, RUN YOUR HEART OUT! Never lose sight of the end goal. Keep the Faith! Peace and Love! Over and Out! When life gets hard, drink a COKE! 😊