Quarantine made my Heart Cry

I got the email I didn't want to receive my heart cried because I knew it was coming but I prayed that it wouldn't come. It came and my heart cried and I put my head down on the counter and said "WHY ME, WHY ME!" Not once did I ever care about taking this test before but this time I was so ready! I was going to pass. I was going to show that test who was boss. But the Coronavirus decided to mess up my plans. I knew I was going to pass because I had a friend on my side who believed in me. He told me he knew I would pass. That gave me so much motivation to study hard and dream bigger. I have learned over these past four days that life is so hard when you don't have friends. I learned that when you can text your friends no matter what time of day it is your days may be long but at least I know they care even if it is only for the 30 seconds it takes to send a text or to talk to me on the phone. I have learned that sometimes you have to trust your heart and not fight with it. 

Today was the first day in this whole mess that I actually broke down because I was so lonely inside no one knows what goes on in my life. No one is there to hear the complaints of my heart. No one understands that my roommate doesn't talk to me. She pays her rent so I can't complain. I just need to see someone. I need adult conversation. I need to remember that I am not alone in all of this because all of my people are going through the same thing too. I was able to get caught up on my sewing and to do the things I love but this being stuck inside is not my favorite it is so hard for me! It is teaching me that sometimes life is hard but it is worth it. Sometimes all you need is a friend who believes in you!

Until next time I am off to my next adventure.  Peace out cub scout! Play hard, work harder, run your hardest! Never lose sight of the end goal. Keep the faith!

Christ Would Serve You

Today I want to talk about something that has been weighing on my mind. With all the craziness in the world I have been thinking about my mission. My mission wasn't the greatest thing in the world and I will tell you that straight up. I won't tell you it was the best thing of my life because it wasn't, but I know it wasn't the worst thing either. As I think back the thought that keeps coming to my mind is something Elder Morse said to me in February 2014, I do not remember why or the context but he said "Christ would serve you!" Those words pierced my heart that day. It was an answer to my prayers for 12 months. Those words changed me! They made me a better missionary, a better person and helped me find the pure love of Christ. Sometimes the pure love of Christ leaves us and then once it comes back it fills that emptiness feeling in your heart. That phrase as replayed in my mind a lot this past week. It replays over and over. It reminds me that I need to let others serve me and to remember that Christ is serving me. That elder didn't know how those words impacted my life. I am so grateful for that elder. I am grateful that he was brave enough to stand up to me when I was in the wrong and to give me a kind talking to when I needed it.

I think of the world about all that is going on and how a lot of people are freaking out I honestly just am numb to the pain and the emotion of it all. I have learned how to numb the pain of lots of things over that past 7 months because when you are alone you are the only one who understands and you are the only one who can fix your problems. The world is running slim the world is having a crisis but I know with out a shout of a doubt it is in the lord's hands and it is his doing. He knows what he is doing trust him. Don't walk away because life is hard, stay close because sometimes he is all you have. I have learned that the lord knows what he is doing, I know that whatever happens will happen but I am not going to be scared anymore and I am not going to worry because it is in the lords hands and not mine. I am so thankful to be a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints because it helps me know that everything no matter what way it should be and that know matter what I will always have a family that loves me and cares about me. I know I know the church is true even when times get hard and when I don't know what to do. I know that the lord will bless us and he loves us each and everyone of us. I know that sometimes we think he has left us but he never has. The POWER OF PRAYER IS REAL! Don't ever forget where you have been but always remember where you are going. Don't be afraid of what is coming. Keep the faith! The church is true and it always has been and always will be. "When life gets to hard to stand kneel." Life is going to knock you down but when it does go to Heaven Mart. Just remember it is on his timing not yours.

Keep the Faith!  

Please Help me Understand

Hello Blogger World,

I am frustrated and angry because I have failed one of my little friends. My little friend got suspended this week. I don't think it was fair she doesn't talk she talks to me and to one other teacher. She just got moved from her reading group to a new one. Which is totally fine but it really doesn't help her academically. It has made her shut down and all the progress we have made with her is going down the drain. She got suspended this week just because she didn't talk or explain herself. I failed this sweet girl. I wasn't there to help her and listen. As her reading teacher was yelling at her and I was just like I don't know. It was just a miss understanding. I talked to Mr. Kind Sir about it and he was like Ms. Dallon I don't understand this is so stupid! I was like you are telling me and she was going to get an award at the assembly that she missed because of suspension. I love this little girl I don't understand why it got to that point because if it would have been anyone else they would of just sent them back to me saying oh its fine we talked about it. I am sorry but please note I had a student steal and break my pens and all he got was a slap on the wrist and now when my little friend takes someone squishy by a misunderstanding and she gets suspended?! What the heck?! I talked to a case manager and she was more angry and frustrated then Mr. Kind Sir and I. I don't understand and I mean I know it is done and over with but I still don't have to like it. 

Thank you for listening to my rant. I am off to another adventure! Work hard, Play harder, Run your heart out! Keep the faith! Peace out cub scout! Over and out until next time! 

Adventures in the Teacher World

Today was a roller coaster I can't even begin to tell you. I am frustrated about how something was handled that is out of my control. I wish things would have turned out differently. I failed my sweet friend. I didn't defend her as I should have. The corornavirus has put a wrench in my life. I love my job and for once I was finally happy and then now something like this has to happen. Church is cancelled do people not understand that that is the only time I have people time because my roommate doesn't talk to me and I don't matter to here. I don't feel safe where I am living. I feel like I have to watch my back everywhere I go.  I have called the cops twice since I have moved in here. I love the town I live it is beautiful but just the safety factor isn't my favorite. My roommate doesn't even know I exist I mean I guess that is fine. I have learned over the past 7 months that being alone sucks and I need to find an eternal companion. I hate being alone and now I have so much alone time, time to think, time to just be me.

I want to tell you about an experience I had today. It was just another normal day. Nothing super different. I didn't talk to Mrs. Great yesterday or even see her! So today I was determined to talk to her and I did just so. I complained to her about things bothering me she listened and then she said a few things that helped me know that I matter. I love this kind lady! She is amazing! Then, I chatted with her later in the day. I am so thankful for this kind lady because she has shown me that there are still good people in this world. She has an incredible child. She has taught me that it is okay to not be okay because she is always there to help me even when I am like I can't even think straight. I can't even move she is like what can I do for you? She is one person who can read people and she knows when you just need a hug and says hey it's okay it is going to be a great day! Everyday I see her it is a great day! I am so lucky to be able to work with her.

I also had another teacher write on my bored today it said. You are so amazing! What she doesn't know is that is what I needed today. This teacher said Ms. Dallon why are you so full of energy right now I think it was mainly because I was confused of a situation I was just in and that I was like I can look for the positive or show them that I was really breaking inside. I didn't want people to know. It is always the high energy before you hit the lowest of lows. I was making copies and when I came back to my room I found this note on my board. It made my heart cry of great joy. The tears streamed down my cheeks. They were the tears of knowing that my Heavenly Father is aware of me. He knows how I am feeling and he has felt it to. It was an answer to a silent prayer. It was a tender mercy. That teacher will never know how much those kind words met to me. We have not always seen eye to eye but the love I have felt for this sweet teacher is a love that has made me come out of my comfort zone. It has helped me find the Jill that has been lost for awhile. All I can say I have felt anger toward this sweet teacher, I have felt like she doesn't care but that was not the case. I never knew what was going on in her life and just because her challenges and struggles are different than mine. I judged her incorrectly and for that I am truly sorry. I have said terrible things about this teacher but she is truly amazing. I am so thankful to work with her!

I am off to my next adventure. Work hard, Play harder, Run with everything you have! Life is hard sometimes but it is worth it just keep going don't lose sight of the end goal. Someone is always there cheering you on. That someone is me! I am your biggest cheerleader. I will be there on the side lines always. You are awesome remember that! Keep the Faith! Peace Out Cub Scout! Over and Out!

You Matter to Someone

Hello Blogger Fam!

Well what a crazy month we have had! I went to Spokane, Washington and Canada for a mid winter break from work. I even got to go to the Spokane Temple and that was so fun! I went to visit a family friend! It was so great to get away for a while and to not have to worry about anything. I studied for the praxis and just adventured everyday!
Work has been so great I am so thankful for my job and I love it with everything I have but today I have just felt so defeated. I don’t matter in these halls. I am just another body who is warming the building. I am just another person they have to keep track of. Today was the day that I was like Jill it doesn’t matter if we come back tomorrow because not one person would notice. I then thought about that thought and said Mrs. Great would notice because she goes out of her way everyday to say Good Morning to me every morning and that is what gets me through the day because I know that I matter to her.
I have learned that there are still good people in this world, there are few and far in between but there is still good people in this world. I have learned that sometimes life is hard and that is when you need a little extra help and when people ask me what I need I don’t know what to tell them besides find me a date because that is about the only thing I can think of.
Life is crazy! Hold on and ENJOY the ride! Sometimes it is crazy but it is worth it in the end! I am so grateful for the life I have and I am able to live and the job I have. I love teaching and seeing the smiles of all my students! They are teaching me so much! I am so lucky to be a teacher!
I am off to my next adventure! Until next time! Peace out Cub Scout and Peace and Love! Work hard, play harder and run as hard as you can! Never lose sight of the end goal! Keep the faith!

My 14 Day Walk with Christ

Hello Blogger World,

I want to share with you my experience of my 14 day Walk with Christ. Some of you are probably like oh just another rant of Jill but this time not so much. I saw this sitting on my parents dryer and something said, "Jill you want happiness do you trust me." My thought yes I trust you. I then took them to Herriman with me and started my journey. Was is hard at times yes. I knew that this would help me find happiness after being so low for so long and no one even knowing. Day 1 I did and was like okay I got this. Day 2 I felt more of my saviors love. Day 3 came and went day 4 was rough because it was no music and tv which was great because I was able to listen to the prompting more closely. I learned to pray with everything I had and to trust my father in heaven. 

Through out those 14 days I found happiness that filled a void that has been missing. I have felt the pure love of christ. I felt not so alone during those 14 days. I had felt love of the people I work with I have made a new friend. A friend who has let me be me and accepted me for me. They didn't judge me for where I have been and they are helping me get to where I want to be. The 14 day walk with christ changed my life for the better and has made me a better person. I am so thankful for the opportunity I have had to do the 14 day wall with christ! 

Life is hard! Well I am off to my next adventure! Peace out cub scout! Work hard, play harder, run the hardest! Never lose sight of the end goal. Keep the faith! Always remember you are loved!

The Moment I Finally Feel Like I Belong, I was Mistaken

The moment that you feel like you belong is the moment you should run away and hide because it is just going to be a slap in the face for you. I can find the two face people but yet I can't even find one genuine person. Once you find that genuine person the two face people have to go and ruin it for you. I sometimes wish that my mom didn't teach me how to be kind and love other because my life would be so much easier if I hated people. I have found two genuine people that I work with but now I don't even talk to them not because I don't want to but because someone has said something to ruin my relationship with them. I just wish they knew me better than that. But who am I kidding. I never belonged. I never once fit in and that is totally fine. For once I was starting to find happiness again in my life but then the joke is on me. I have learned yet again not to trust anyone or let anyone in because I am the one who gets hurt in the end.
Today at lunch I realized that I mattered to no one which is totally fine because I don't even matter
at my apartment. What people don't understand is that I need people interaction to live because when it is a 6 year old telling me everyday that she loves me even when I make her cry and tell her to suck it up because she is a big girl and she can do hard things. You know life is rough. That little friend might be my biggest struggle but they are definitely a tender mercy to me.
Today at lunch I learned that someone likes to play people against each other and I know that she played me against someone that I was supposed to be working with but I got an assignment change. I have learned that sometimes life is hard but the more you tough it out the easier it gets.
I am so thankful for my mom who taught me to love others and to love them even when they do me wrong. Someone is always going to be rude or bring us down we just have to know how to not let them know that they have broke us. Today I was broke at lunch and not a single soul even knew. Do I feel bad no because in all reality life is hard and you just got to let it roll off your back even though that is easier said than done.
I am so grateful to be who I am and to teach 1st grade even on the hardest days. I am so lucky to have the challenges I have because if I didn't I wouldn't be the person I am today and I wouldn't be able to become the person I need to be. I am so thankful for all of my life lessons and I am truly thankful for the genuine people out there.
I am off to another adventure. Keep the faith! Keep your chin up! Never lose sight of the end goal! Remember where you have been and all the things that you have accomplished to get where you are today! Play hard! Work harder, and RUN THE HARDEST! Run until you have nothing left! Peace Out Cub Scout! Over and Out!