What do I want from Christ?

Its has been awhile since I have blogged. I have been to angry and sad to blog about life because I was not happy with my life, where I was going and the choices I was making. I know am I where I am supposed to be but then there is always the doubt in the back of my mind is this right do I want to be here. I know I need to be here I just need to find the reason.

I have started taking institute this semester it has changed my perspective in life. As many of you know I am a returned missionary and I am 24 and not married and I get the question quite often what is wrong with you? Why aren't you married? I never know what to say but I am not ready to be tied down to someone forever. I still need to get an education. I have two institute classes I am not registered I just go with my friends. I go to the morning one with Abi who is so awesome and loving. I love her so much. I  go to a Tuesday night one with another friend. That class has me thinking. The teacher asked us a question this week and said What do you want from Christ? I thought about it and the only thing I could think of was... I want someone in my life who loves me for me, who loves the silly quirks about me, one who will take me at my worst and still love me as they do when I am at my best. I want someone who is worthy of me. I want to be worthy of them. I want them to love the Savior more than they love me. I want a temple marriage. I just want to be happy with my life where I am and where I am going. Most importantly I want my Heavenly Father to love me and be proud of me.

I go to school everyday, it is a lonely place. No one knows the battles you are fighting no one know whats its like to be you. Only you and Jesus Christ because he suffered for your sins and he loves you know matter what. I know school is hard and it seems like it isn't worth it at times but it is. Put forth the effort and you will succeed it may not be with the grades you want but you will succeed.

I know that life is hard and full of heart ache but you are never fighting this alone. Your heavenly father loves you never forget that! He is always there for you! He is waiting for you to talk to him through prayer. Life seems hard now but when you look back you will think it wasn't so bad. Never lose sight of your goals. Keep fighting for them. Someone is always routing for you on the side lines. Stand up for what you believe in. Until next time Peace out Cub Scout! Keep the Faith!

My Best Friend!

I have a best friend! Her name is Jynette! She is the most amazing, selfless and loving person I know. She would do anything for you. She became my best friend when I had no one I only had negative outlook on life. She taught me how to love myself for me. She taught me that I am important, she taught me to forgive people. When I met this girl I just got off my mission and I was not a happy person. I was so negative and didn't care about life anymore. I didn't care who I hurt. I was done. She never once gave up on me. She always believes in me even when I don't. Now that I am at school she always gives me pep talks on how to stay positive as my heart is so sad she is there to make it smile and she feels it with such cheer. She is the most incredible person I have ever met. We have the greatest adventures together. She listens to me cry, we make faces at each other that is how we tell each other we love one another.We laugh really hard when we are tired after working a night. I sneak attack her and it is my favorite. Everything we do is a we thing not a me or I its we. I run half marathons but you best bet it is a we thing not just a Jill thing. She always said Jill are you trying to kill us and I just run. She makes me laugh when my heart is crying, she makes me laugh so hard I cry. She is my best friend! I am so lucky to have her. I love her so much! She helps me remember to Keep the Faith! Jynette I am so glad you are my best friend and that I have you in my life I don't know what I would do without you! Especially this semester you got me through the struggles. My heart is so full of gratitude for this girl! I love you!

With Christ all things are possible!

As many of you know I have a rough semester this semester but I know that with Christ Nothing is IMPOSSIBLE because I survived my mission, that was a real struggle. From a mission President who hated me and then rumors. I have come to the conclusion that as we put all of our faith and trust in Christ and give him all of our worries life will get better. I give him two hours of my week every Tuesday morning I wake up at 3:56 am so I can go to the 5:30 session yes it is early but I know that as I give him my time he will give me enough time to do everything I need to do. He gives me the strength to make it through. He is the one who is wiping my tears away every night when people think I am okay. He is the one hugging me and letting me know I am cared about. He has never once left me alone. Not even in my darkest days. My mom asked me if I needed to only go once a month and I know every week is going to help me pass all my classes and to better myself.
I know this may not mean anything to you but it means the world to me. I got a 2/15 on my lab quiz I am moving up in the world. I have told myself everyday it doesn't matter we just need to pass. Every week day after day the tears have come and gone. Every night I cry myself to sleep because I didn't understand and I just didn't know what else to do. I have been praying really hard to my father in heaven and I know that he is helping me. The stuff is sticking in my head a little better I don't get so panicked when I go in there. I know that he is helping me every step of the way.
I know that with him anything is possible because at mile 22 of my marathon when I couldn't do anything else but walk he gave me the power to run he took the pain away just for that little bit to help me accomplish something I thought was impossible. Nothing is impossible if we just believe and trust him. I know that life is hard at times but he puts people in our life at the right time even if it is just for a few days, weeks, or a year or forever. He puts them in to help you. I have this friend who is truly my best friend we do crazy things together and I know that I can be me around her I don't have to be someone else. She is someone who I know that I can trust from the first time I met her I knew we would be best friends. We go on random adventures and sometimes people wonder why we hang out together. She makes me so happy! I am truly the lucky one to have her in my life.

Nothing is impossible with Christ. I have seen that many times in my life. Sometimes I lose sight of whats at the end of the tunnel but I know that he is there always. He will always love me even when I feel like I don't deserve it.
Life is hard! The struggle is real. It may feel like you are never going to get out of the rut but it will come you always have to hit rock bottom and be there for awhile until you can see the good in life again. I know that to be true. I have learned that this week. He answers every pray in his time. I prayed last week for someone to care and to just love me. I woke up one morning and my uncle was making breakfast and made me a lunch. I know to him that was super simple but it meant the world to me because I felt for the first time that week that I mattered to someone and that I was loved. He was truly an answer to my prayers. He doesn't know that but he was. That day everything seemed not so bad. Even though it was it seemed much smoother to know that at least one person cared about me that day! I know my parents love me but when you are away from them you always need that extra boost.
Have a great week! Live the dream every day! Pray always he will always hear you! It is in his time! Go to Heaven Mart!

Marathon Accomplished

What a dream come true! I ran my very first marathon on my birthday! It was awesome! It was fun until mile 22 when my body decided it was done and was not going to run the last four I was like you got to be kidding me! I finished the race. I ran with all I had. I got blisters to prove it and I lost a toe nail a week later. It was so great to do it on my 24th birthday! I lived the dream, Some lady walked the last 4 miles with me. She was complaining about how bad her legs hurt and in my head I was like I feel ya I feel ya! Everything was great until Sunday when the pain set in and I had to go to church and I was not going to wear flip flops to church! Everyone asked what I did and I was like I ran a marathon. Monday was the worst. I went to school with a mighty good limp. Everyone looked at me funny I didn't care. It was a great adventure!
I love to run but marathons not my forte but a half is for sure. I will continue to run and live the dream everyday. Marathons are hard but they are worth it. I am so glad I had the courage to start and the determination to finish. It would of been so easy to quit but there is the inner voice that says my mom didn't raise a quitter. I may never be fast enough for Boston and that is totally fine with me. I run because it helps me make it through the day and the week. I run my worries away I do my best thinking out there. I run to feel the wind in my hair. To run my struggles away. I run to calm my fears.
People think I am crazy and that is okay. I don't do it for you I do it for myself, I do it for the adrenaline I do it for the feeling of accomplishment. I do it to prove to myself nothing is impossible! Running is a way of life. It doesn't matter if you win it just matters if you finish the race! Race days are fun you meet many new people and sometimes run into old friends.
Life is hard at time and when it gets hard run! Run with all you have! I have come to learn the running can make a bad day good and a good day better. It has the possibility to make  anything better. A few scrapped knees and blisters never hurt anyone!
RUN HARD! DREAM BIG! NEVER LOSE SIGHT OF YOUR DREAMS!! Keep the faith! Peace out cub scout!

Blessings, Tender Mercies!

What a weekend I have had. Homework most of it done, lagoon with my family and best friend, then my car exploded.
I go home on the weekends to work at the bakery. I love it there! The people and the place itself. I came home Sunday morning so I could go try my new ward out. I was driving like usual. Nothing new then all of the sudden I could smell burning rubber didn't think much of it. Got to the driveway of my aunt and uncles and then the problems began. My car was smoking! I called my uncle Spencer and asked if it was normal he asked if it was steam I said I don't think so. (I know the difference between steam and smoke) I opened the hood and what did I see a broken belt and smoke! I called my dad and he came to look at it.
My dad took it to the shop and now here we are. Riding the front runner living the dream. I remember when waking up at 4:45 wasn't a big deal now I have a hard time getting out of bed at 5:21. I get to wake up earlier so I can make it to the train so I can get to school on time and find the right bus to get on.
As I think of the experience of having my car exploded. It could of been so much worse my mom has told me how lucky I was to have been in the driveway and it is true. I could of been on the freeway and it could of started are fire. All it was, was a broken belt and A/C. It will cost money to fix but my parents always tell me cars are replaceable and I am not.
I have learned this week to count my blessings. It maybe a struggle to live the dream car less but at least I know my Father in heaven loves me because it happened when I was safe. I know that the little things in life mean the most.
I am so blessed to have a dad who is a mechanic and know what to do when a car decides to smoke and a lawn mower loses its guts. I have seen the tender mercies of the Lord this week in my life. I have had people offer to give me rides and help me out. I have seen how many people car because it has happened to them in similar ways or just because they truly care. I have seen the pure love of Christ in my aunt and uncle this week to. To see how much the love me and care about me. I know it is a joke not having a car but they are troopers.
I am truly blessed to have had this experience and to learn more about myself. I have learned how to get on a bus and figure out where to go. I still can't read a map but I can read times.
Blessings and Tender Mercies are everywhere we just need to look for them in our lives.
Have a wonderful week. Until next time! Peace out Cub Scout.

KARA IS AWESOME!

What a week sometimes people ask me what I have been up to and I always say just living the dream doing what I do best! Now I am going to school and trying to live the dream! My life where I live is AWESOME! It is living the dream everyday. It has amazing trails to run on and great company. I live with my Aunt, Uncle, cousins Kayla and Kara who is AMAZING!
Kara can burp the ABC's I came home from school around 7:30 pm like it is on Tuesdays nothing new and then we had dinner and oh man Kara can burp on command! She needs to meet my best friend Kim!
I love Kara so much she makes my heart so happy! I think it is so awesome that she can burp on command. My mom told me not to pick up that habit. Kara just turned 18 and she is even more awesome! I love that girl so much!
Kayla is pretty great to! She burps sometimes and its not as cool as Kara but one day it will be. She is pretty great she lives in the basement with me. We have some good times!
Anatomy is kicking my butt I am doing the best I can and as long as I pass that is all that matters. Math is a joke my teacher is not the best but what can ya do. You win some and you lose some.
I got my phone fixed 2.5 hours later. I sat at the version store waiting for them to fix it I did my homework I got more done there then I do at school. It was funny to see the workers faces when I sat there and did anatomy and math. I should of asked them for help. Haha that would of been great. I went to open lab for anatomy and it was great I got all my homework done for the next week. It is rough but I think I will be able to make it.
Living the dream, one adventure at a time! Until next time! Peace out cub scout!

It takes a Special Person to be a Teacher!

Why does something that felt so right, feel so wrong?
I knew I was supposed to go to UVU and it is a fine school but I feel like it isn't the place for me I am working hard but its like professors don't care they just want their paycheck. Teachers make a huge difference in peoples lives. I know that not because I was raised by one.
Over the years I have had many teachers some better than others. As I sit in my math class I think of how he doesn't care about his students and how if he just showed a little love to his students more would pass his class. I think of all the amazing teachers I have had and that have made a change in my life for the better. They all have had a special part in my life, they have changed it for the better!
 I have had some amazing ones in my life. As I sit in math I think of a wise math teacher who taught me songs about math. I think about it when I am reviewing the concepts. They come back into my mind and I remember what I learned when I was in 10th grade and that was back in 2007. He had so much love for his students and how he always made us feel important. He always would ask us how we were doing and made us feel like we mattered he never once made us feel stupid for asking questions.
Another example is my cross country coach who would do anything for anyone. He is truly a loving man. He always believes in his runners he doesn't care if you are a fast runner he just cares if you finish and do your best. He treats you like family.
The most important teacher I have had in my life have been my parents. My mom has helped us with our homework ever since I can remember she would sit down with us and we would work together. she doesn't do math but my dad does. She helps us with our papers for school even in college. She helps us reach our dreams. She drops everything for us. When it is an emergency on our part she stops everything to help us figure out what is wrong and we get through it. I see how she has made a difference in the lives of the students that she has taught I know she may not see it but one comes over every Halloween to see her. They talk to her in the grocery store. My mom makes them feel like they are the only person in the world. She loves them as her own. She treats them like she would her own kids she doesn't give my brother or I special treatment when it comes to school. She taught us how to never give up and to follow our dreams. She is an amazing lady! I am so lucky to call her my mom! I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for her. She is the most amazing lady I know! I love her so very much!
Then the next teacher would be my dad he helped us with math, chemistry. He taught me how to mow a lawn, drive a car and to wear sneakers when I mow. It may seem silly to you but they are some big things. I love my dad so much! I am so blessed to have him in my life!
I think of all the times that I have needed help in school and who were the ones who came to the rescue?! Mom and dad! They are truly my heroes!
I then start to think about why I changed my major to nursing from teaching. Not because I don't want to teach but I know nursing is where I need to be why I will never know but one day I will. I know that they are both good fields and they change peoples lives if you let it. It takes a special person to be a teacher.
I know that teachers are amazing people! I am so blessed to say I was raised by one because she has changed my life and has given me the best life I could of ever asked for. She has taught me it is important to get an education. That is what I am doing know matter how hard and how much I want to give up! The struggle is real but with faith and family anything is possible. I know that if we put all are trust in the lord we can accomplish anything. True story I served a mission I know anything is possible with Christ. I am so thankful for the knowledge I have of this gospel and to know that everything will happen in his time. Trusting him in all that we do is the best thing we can ever do. Heavenly Father is always there for us just like are family. We can be million miles away or just a 100 but we are never to far from our Heavenly Father he is just want for us to come to him in pray. We need to go to heaven mart and trust that things will work out for the best!
Keep the Faith! Over and Out!