Someone is Always there Cheering You on

Sometimes you have to struggle and fight your demons alone. Other times you have to pray with all you have and have faith in tomorrow. My grandma used to have a sign and it was my sign and everybody knew it. It said, "To have a garden is to have faith in tomorrow." Right now that saying runs true in my life. Sometimes the only thing you can do is to have faith in tomorrow. You know it will be hard but in the end it will be worth it.
I have struggled more now than I have in four years. I struggled on my mission but not this bad. It is alright I need this in my life and it is a blessing and I am becoming stronger from it. I have learned that sometimes you just have to shut everyone out and do things alone you have to hit rock bottom before you can come up and see the positives.
I want to tell you a story about a fella I know. One who lets me face the day alone but will always be there when I am ready to talk
Today, I took some ice cream to a friend of mine. He doesn't know how bad I am really struggling but he knows I am struggling. Today he listened to me and didn't say anything until I was through when in all reality he should have been the one talking and I should of been listening. I am so thankful for this kind fella because he has boosted my spirits so many times this semester when I want to give up he is the first one to tell me that I am loved and that I matter. He is the one who picks up the broken pieces and holds them until I am ready to put them back together. He just had his appendix out and is so positive. He is such an amazing example to me. I want to be more like him. I want to be as wonderful as he is. He is a fighter and I am so thankful for that. I am so thankful for his sweet spirit. He is defiantly an answer to my prayers. This fella taught me that it doesn't matter your circumstances it just matters how you take them. The love that he has for the savior is so real and when you are with him you can feel the saviors love.
Fighing your demons alone is hard but sometimes that is just how it needs to be. Sometimes you just have to fight with all you have to have a better tomorrow. Keep the faith. Smile a little brighter. Because someone is always rooting for you.
Peace out cub scout. Until next time. I'm going on my next adventure.

I am NOT INVISIBLE

Today I realized that I was nothing to you and that is totally fine but when you talk to everyone around me and ignore me. I usually don't let it bother me but today it did. I don't care that you don't like me. Not everyone has to like me but can't you act least say Hey Jill when you say hey to everyone in the group I am in. I am not invisible I am human. We used to talk all the time we used to be best friends and now we are worst enemies and there is nothing I can do about it. I don't understand why you treat me like garbage. I am nothing to you I used to be something and you used to mean something to me but now I know that I am nothing to you. You write about how your life is so hard and how things hurt but let me tell you what you hurt me every Sunday. But you don't even care. 

I go to church to feel safe and to feel loved. I don't go to be humiliated by you. People wonder why I go home so much to church and it is because I don't have to worry about being ignored because I know that some people hate me and I don't even care. I just don't understand why I am invisible to you. I know that you see me but it doesn't matter I am nothing.

I am off to my next adventure! Sorry to rant but I just needed the blog world to know that I was someone and not a nobody and I am not invisible. Thanks for reading my rant. Have a wonderful week! Keep the faith! Peace out cub scout! Until next time! Over and out! 

My 2 year old buddy

I have a buddy who is two years old she is my best friend sometimes and worst enemy others. She is full of spunk and sass. She melts my heart. Her name is Jordi she drives me crazy sometimes but I love her. She teaches me what it's like to be loved even on the hardest days. She always says Jill will you play with me. This summer has been rough trying to get enough hours to live the dream. The simple things in life mean the most.
Jordi comes over to Grandma's to play. I live in my aunt and uncle's basement. Jordi comes and plays. She comes downstairs to sit with me and watch a show to get my mind off of things. She loves my Elmo's more then I do she likes my Elmo that makes noise. She likes my snow globes. She helps me sew and make blankets too. This little girl taught me that no matter what life throws at ya anything is possible. She calls me Miss Jilly Jill. That's what my uncle says when I walk in the door. She came to my car door one day and said Jill we go get snow cones we did that once this summer. I say not today but next time.
Jordi taught me that sometimes you have to let life take you where it will because you have to dance to the beat of your own drum.
Jordi is my little buddy. She makes my heart smile when it is sad she brings joy to my heart when I miss my best friend she tries to fill the void. Jordi loves to be wonder woman. This little girl has the pure love of Christ. She kills me. She will dance for you and teach you how to play Barney guitar most importantly she'll let your inner child come out and not judge you.
Jordi is my little buddy. I'll be forever grateful for this fun spunky, sassy little girl.
Play hard run harder keep the faith. I am off to my next adventure. Keep the faith. Until next time peace out cubscout!

CURLY HAIR!

Hello Everyone! 

As everyone knows I have naturally curly hair. No it isn't a perm it is natural. Has it given me problems in the pass yes and it still does. It is not a perm it is all natural yes I relies it gets super big sometime. Weather change climate change many things are factors even shampoo and conditioner.

I want to take you back to 2013 I was in Fargo North Dakota at the time it is the middle of the summer and it is HUMID! My hair grows out not down. It was a humid day in Fargo North Dakota! I am on exchanges and when we go to get our normal companions back which I was not excited for. The one sister said, "Sister Dallon we need to talk." I was like this is going to be terrible what have I done now that my companion hates me for. This girl pulled out the white handbook and told me how distracting my hair was and I needed to get it cut or I would be sent home. I thought this was the dumbest thing I have ever heard. I got it cut because that is what you do when you are on a mission you are obedient. Well, my idiot of a mission president calls my mom and informs her my hair is curly and I am a white girl with an Afro. My mom kindly says, I know president I prayed for her to have curly hair! Then he goes on to tell her I need to braid it like I am African American. My mom says that is hard to do when she cut it off like she was told. This was the first of many phone calls from the president. After that I was like I am white with an Afro and I embraced the curl.

Never did it really bother me that I had curly hair. Yes there is jokes of do you have a perm? Did you stick your finger in an electrical outlet? Or wow you have a lot of hair. These are the normal jokes. Answer to them is NO I don't have a perm it is naturally this way. Second, NO I didn't stick my finger in an electrical outlet. Did you? Duh of course I have a lot of hair that is just obvious.

My mom prayed for me to have curly hair and you best bet I tell her she prayed to hard but I have learned to embrace the curl and love it. Some days are better than others. I am proud to say I am white and have curly hair. If you have a problem take it up with me but don't give me the jokes they are rude and inconsiderate! Life is hard and I don't need people bringing me down because I am white with curly hair! 

My curly is hair is what makes me unique I could careless if you care. Life is hard I am living the dream! Going to school and work and traveling the world! Keep the faith! Work hard play hard and run harder! Peace out Cub Scout! Off to my next adventure!

 

Happy 2018

Happy 2018 Family and Friends

A warm friendly welcome to 2018 where in the world did 2017 go. Life comes at ya fast you have to be ready for anything. Last year, I did many things I quit a few jobs. The first one was because I had to stand up for what I believed in. I was done taking the abuse of being low life soap scum. I was done being scared for my life when I went to work. The other one I quit because they lied to me about the pay and the shifts I would work and where I would be working. I don't do good if I hold up my end of the contract and you don't do diddle squat. Next job I left because it was a joke and not what I was promised. I found a job that I truly loved. I was apart of something a family away from home. I grew to love these people some more than others. There is a particular group that I enjoy spending time with and working with. These people are ones that build up my self esteem and don't tear me down because I get enough of that in school from my classmates. 

2017 was a great year for me a year of change and ADVENTURE! I went to Peru for two week to teach English to students there. It was hard yes but it is was worth it! I wouldn't change those experiences for anything. I don't speak Spanish and that was defiantly a barrier but nothing is impossible. I had a great tour guide and Professor to help me and the group to understand. I learned the Pure Love of Christ is in a child. 

I learned what it was like to lose your best friend to another girl one who didn't even want to be with him. Who treated him poorly. He loved that sweet sister. He stopped talking to me when I needed him the most. Once I got released from my calling that was the end of our friendship. It was a really hard time. We spent a lot of time together. We were so close now we don't even talk and we don't even look at each other. I miss the trust we had I miss the fun but mainly I miss him.

Life is full of surprises! Take them for what they are! Take life by the horns and let the ride begin! Live the dream! Work hard, play harder and until next time. Peace out Cub Scout! Keep the Faith!

Happy New Year! Here is to the Best year yet!

I Just Can't

I am not Super Woman even though I think I am. I am one person who is just trying to make it through each day. I just can't stretch myself so thin anymore. I can't work 30+ hours a week and go to school. I am one person. I am working on getting a 4.0 and right now that  seems impossible. But it isn't if I just believe in myself. I can do hard things because I have the Lord on my side. I just can't do it all anymore. My happiness has left, sadness has filled my heart.
There isn't enough time to do what I love and that's run. I can't run very well at the moment. I am strengthening my knee and leg. I hurt my leg about a month ago and it has put a dent in my running ability. I don't run because I have to. I run because it is my outlet from the world where I can get away. It has never hurt me not once. It may have given me torn ligaments and scrapped knees but in all reality that heals. Running heals the broken heart, takes away my sorrows. Running is my life. It is always there to pick me back up.
Life is hard and you just have to take it by the horns and go with it. I am not going to let you rule my life. You don't have that control anymore. I am the ruler of my own life.
I'm off to my next adventure. Until then keep the faith! Peace out cub scout! Live your dreams and don't let anyone stand in your way! You are possible! (Impossible= I'm possible)

Sense of Beloning

As I reflect on my life and school I relies that I don't belong. I relies that I am nothing special just another body in the hallway that no cares about. Just person in the class who the teacher could careless about. I don't belong in my cohort I have noticed how everyone has come from different backgrounds and not one from mine. I have never really had friends in class. This semester is really hard to be the outsider but yet I am used to it. Usually it doesn't phase me but this week it has. I have learned that sometimes you should just not say anything and just let people be people but I am not going to let someone be loud so I can't hear the professor. I am paying to get an education. I am working so hard to make money.
I hope and wish one day I will belong somewhere and not be the outsider. I know that I will be forever alone because no one wants to be with a girl who doesn't belong anywhere. I have learned that I don't matter to anyone but my family, at least I matter to them and I am good enough. I have learned over these past five months that I am not worth it or good enough. I never will be and that is fine. My parents will probably never get grand children but I guess that isn't the end of the world. I am just one person. I may not matter to anyone at school but it doesn't matter.
I have learned what its like to feel alone and having no one. I have learned how to love others even when I don't want too. I have learned how to accept being alone and that it is just how life is. I have learned that nothing is impossible you just have to work to get where you want to be. I have worked so hard to get where I am today and I really have nothing to show for it. I look at all the girls in my class and I relies that I am different I am not stuck up and I am different. This is why I have no friends. I have one friend who lives in Brigham and we get together when I come home for the weekend or the day. She is so great.
I just wish I had a sense of belonging somewhere. I wish someone would notice me and that I was good enough.
Well I am off to do homework and to study for the praxis. Have a great day! Keep the faith! Keep your chin up things can only go up from here. Peace Out Cub Scout! Over and Out!