You Matter to Someone

Hello Blogger Fam!

Well what a crazy month we have had! I went to Spokane, Washington and Canada for a mid winter break from work. I even got to go to the Spokane Temple and that was so fun! I went to visit a family friend! It was so great to get away for a while and to not have to worry about anything. I studied for the praxis and just adventured everyday!
Work has been so great I am so thankful for my job and I love it with everything I have but today I have just felt so defeated. I don’t matter in these halls. I am just another body who is warming the building. I am just another person they have to keep track of. Today was the day that I was like Jill it doesn’t matter if we come back tomorrow because not one person would notice. I then thought about that thought and said Mrs. Great would notice because she goes out of her way everyday to say Good Morning to me every morning and that is what gets me through the day because I know that I matter to her.
I have learned that there are still good people in this world, there are few and far in between but there is still good people in this world. I have learned that sometimes life is hard and that is when you need a little extra help and when people ask me what I need I don’t know what to tell them besides find me a date because that is about the only thing I can think of.
Life is crazy! Hold on and ENJOY the ride! Sometimes it is crazy but it is worth it in the end! I am so grateful for the life I have and I am able to live and the job I have. I love teaching and seeing the smiles of all my students! They are teaching me so much! I am so lucky to be a teacher!
I am off to my next adventure! Until next time! Peace out Cub Scout and Peace and Love! Work hard, play harder and run as hard as you can! Never lose sight of the end goal! Keep the faith!

My 14 Day Walk with Christ

Hello Blogger World,

I want to share with you my experience of my 14 day Walk with Christ. Some of you are probably like oh just another rant of Jill but this time not so much. I saw this sitting on my parents dryer and something said, "Jill you want happiness do you trust me." My thought yes I trust you. I then took them to Herriman with me and started my journey. Was is hard at times yes. I knew that this would help me find happiness after being so low for so long and no one even knowing. Day 1 I did and was like okay I got this. Day 2 I felt more of my saviors love. Day 3 came and went day 4 was rough because it was no music and tv which was great because I was able to listen to the prompting more closely. I learned to pray with everything I had and to trust my father in heaven. 

Through out those 14 days I found happiness that filled a void that has been missing. I have felt the pure love of christ. I felt not so alone during those 14 days. I had felt love of the people I work with I have made a new friend. A friend who has let me be me and accepted me for me. They didn't judge me for where I have been and they are helping me get to where I want to be. The 14 day walk with christ changed my life for the better and has made me a better person. I am so thankful for the opportunity I have had to do the 14 day wall with christ! 

Life is hard! Well I am off to my next adventure! Peace out cub scout! Work hard, play harder, run the hardest! Never lose sight of the end goal. Keep the faith! Always remember you are loved!

The Moment I Finally Feel Like I Belong, I was Mistaken

The moment that you feel like you belong is the moment you should run away and hide because it is just going to be a slap in the face for you. I can find the two face people but yet I can't even find one genuine person. Once you find that genuine person the two face people have to go and ruin it for you. I sometimes wish that my mom didn't teach me how to be kind and love other because my life would be so much easier if I hated people. I have found two genuine people that I work with but now I don't even talk to them not because I don't want to but because someone has said something to ruin my relationship with them. I just wish they knew me better than that. But who am I kidding. I never belonged. I never once fit in and that is totally fine. For once I was starting to find happiness again in my life but then the joke is on me. I have learned yet again not to trust anyone or let anyone in because I am the one who gets hurt in the end.
Today at lunch I realized that I mattered to no one which is totally fine because I don't even matter
at my apartment. What people don't understand is that I need people interaction to live because when it is a 6 year old telling me everyday that she loves me even when I make her cry and tell her to suck it up because she is a big girl and she can do hard things. You know life is rough. That little friend might be my biggest struggle but they are definitely a tender mercy to me.
Today at lunch I learned that someone likes to play people against each other and I know that she played me against someone that I was supposed to be working with but I got an assignment change. I have learned that sometimes life is hard but the more you tough it out the easier it gets.
I am so thankful for my mom who taught me to love others and to love them even when they do me wrong. Someone is always going to be rude or bring us down we just have to know how to not let them know that they have broke us. Today I was broke at lunch and not a single soul even knew. Do I feel bad no because in all reality life is hard and you just got to let it roll off your back even though that is easier said than done.
I am so grateful to be who I am and to teach 1st grade even on the hardest days. I am so lucky to have the challenges I have because if I didn't I wouldn't be the person I am today and I wouldn't be able to become the person I need to be. I am so thankful for all of my life lessons and I am truly thankful for the genuine people out there.
I am off to another adventure. Keep the faith! Keep your chin up! Never lose sight of the end goal! Remember where you have been and all the things that you have accomplished to get where you are today! Play hard! Work harder, and RUN THE HARDEST! Run until you have nothing left! Peace Out Cub Scout! Over and Out!

Peace Out 2019 Hello 2020

It is the end of the year and I would like to tell you the highlights of the year and the not so great things because the not so great things are truly the greatest blessings that I have recieved this year.
First highlight my mom retired and is now able to do the things she loves cross stitch and spend time with my brother who is living at home for a little bit after some unfortunate events that have happened. Second, I was able to attend my best friends wedding and be a part of her line for the second time. Third, I was able to start teaching right after graduation. Lastly, I was able to run a half marathon one last time before I have to hang up my running shoes for good.

I would like to tell you about the not so great things because they have truly made me into the person that I need to become. First my brother lost his job back in March all because one person complained. We all make mistakes and do dumb things. He kept everyone safe but clearly this jerk could careless about others. Second, I was let go from my first teaching job because I don’t quite have my teaching license. Third, my foot is not working as it should and it hurts a lot of the time. Lastly, I have learned what it feels to be alone feels like and knowing that you don’t have anyone but the savior!

The greatest blessing of my mom being retired is that she can spend time with my brother. Why is my brother at home you are thinking? Because he had a to make a life or death call and he chose life and that was the end of his job, he has a new job and is having the time of his life. Another blessing that came out of my mom retiring was that she got a bell and a picture that said DON’T RING THE BELL! It says If  You Want To Change The World…. Start your day by making your bed, find someone to help you paddle and my favorite that is the motto of my life Don’t Back Down from the Sharks! That is my motto and as you continue reading you will find out why.

I started teaching second grade at a school I loved! My team was amazing! We worked together it was never I or me it was always we! We did things together. We all had our separate challenges. I loved teaching 2nd grade and being part of that school and community. I guess they had other plans for me! I don’t quite have my teaching license and therefore that is what lead me to a new job at a new school. Some days I want to die and pray to die and other days I love what I do. Teaching isn’t for the weak! It is a rough job!

My best friends wedding was so great to be at! It breaks my heart to know that she isn’t going to be with him for eternity. It breaks my heart to see the road she is going down. But I know that she will come about around. She married a better man this go around. I like him a lot he is so kind and loving and he treats her little girl with so much love and kindness. Life is hard and she has had a rough go, things are starting to turn around for her. I may not see her ever again but at least I know she is happy and woking on becoming the best her.

This December of 2019 I was able to run a half marathon in Laughlin Nevada and it was amazing! It was two states two time zones. I am so thankful for my ability to be able to run even though now it is coming to an end and not working in my favor. It is truly a blessing to see all the states I have been able to run in and the other countries!

I have learned many times what it is like to be alone but I have truly felt it over the past few months. I am living with a wonderful roommate she just isn’t social. I talk to 5 and 6 years all day sometimes I just need someone to talk to that is older than 6. I just need someone to care for once besides my family. I have learned that being alone is hard and I already knew that but the loneliness I have felt over these passed few months and taught me that I need to start dating and trusting people and letting people in because being alone isn’t fun. I have learned to find joy in the small and simple things. I have felt the love of my savior many times and but lately it has been lacking. It is so hard to go to an empty apartment even when she is home I am still alone. I am an outsider. I need people in my life. You may think I am strong and tough because that is how I was raised but sometimes deep down I am fighting the battle of do I even deserve to live because my roommate doesn’t want to talk to me or even be social with me. I shouldn’t let it get to me but it is starting to really put a damper on my life. I go to church and they say it only takes one person to be a friend but right now I don’t have a friend, I have a lot of fake people but I don’t need the fake people in my life.

Life is hard but I have had a great 2019 it gave me a run for my money and was full of adventures! You can read this and judge me. Judge me if you must but I am only human. Peace and Love 2019 here is to a WONDERFUL 2020! Keep the faith! Work Hard Play Harder, Run the hardest, run with everything you have! Never lose sight of the end goal. Peace Out Cub Scout! I am off to my next adventure! Over and Out!

Running!

Running has taken me places that I would no otherwise make it to! I run all over the state of Utah, Idaho, Wyoming, North Dakota, Arizona and Nevada. I even got to run in Peru! I don't run because I think I am fat because I know that is why some people think I run. I run because it clears my head and it takes me for an adventure. When times get hard I just run harder. When my foot goes numb I say come on sir we aren't near done. I run because I can. I run because I know one day I won't be able to and I want to be that 90 year grandma running a half marathon saying come on friend you got this to a complete stranger.

I want to tell you about the last half marathon I ran in Laughlin, Nevada. It was a week ago! It was so fun the one guy said, "Oh it's all down hill." I was like what planet do you come from because at mile 7 it was straight up a hill for 1.5 miles. It was the hardest part of the race yet the coolest because that is where you changed states and time zones. I was able to run in two states and two time zones. It was the Best Dam Race! That is really what the name of the race was. I love running because I get to spend time with my family and they are my biggest cheerleaders. I am so lucky to have them. They drive me to all the races and they wait in the race and in the freezing cold while I run and give it everything I have. They don't care how long it takes they just care that I finish! My grandpa came to this one and it was so fun to hear what he thought about races. I don't know if he'll come again but I am so thankful he took the time to come to this one. This one might be my last one according to my foot and they always say listen to your body. I want to run and give it everything I have. I know that sometimes I can't go nearly as far I as I want but I go and that is what matters.

I finished my half in under 3 hours not the fastest I have ever ran but I did it and that was all that mattered to me. I love that you can sit on a bus by yourself and make 10 new friends because theyare alone to. They are what you call racing friends not real life friends but racing friends because when you see them at races you know they are cheering you on because you are cheering them on too! I love running it helps me feel alive and lets me see things that I never thought possible! Laughlin is a beautiful place. I am so glad my grandpa goes every year and my dad told me about it! This was the only family vacation we got this year. I had the best time spending time with my family because I wasn't alone for four days. 

Running is one of my favorite things to do! It takes me on adventures. It lets me know that even though life is hard it is worth it! Play hard, Run harder, Run a half marathon. You never know where it will take you. 

Off to my next adventure until next time! Keep the faith! Peace Out Cub Scout! Over and Out!

One Man Band better than a No Man Band

What a crazy world we live in. I started a new job this fall teaching 1st grade at a charter school. I was so excited because they were going to take a chance on me because I don't quite have my teaching licence. I came from a team of teachers working together to a team that doesn't even talk to each other unless it is convient for Ms. Henry (name changed). I don't know all the ways of this school I am and doing my best to learn them. I try asking my team lead and she just looks at me disgusted like "WOW YOU ARE AN IDIOT!" I will be the first to tell you I am an idiot I don't need your help in knowing that. I am doing the best I can but yet I am an outsider.
I work so hard, give it my all and yet that is never good enough. Life is hard and sometimes you just have to suck it up butter cup. I have learned over these past 5 months that if you need help you have to search long and hard to find it because where I am no one really cares. I want to tell you about an experience I had the Tuesday before Thanksgiving. We had an accumulating activity because you can't say party because that is not politically correct in this school totally fine. Ms. Henry said she had it taken care of little did I know that she thought 90 1st graders could run wild. I had a parent ask me if I planned it and I said no, the other teacher told me she had it under control. Man was I mistaken. I have never once not ever wanted to go back to work until this day. People asked me how I was and I said if I didn't have to come back Monday I wouldn't. After that day people changed.
After that day people started to come and ask me how they could help me. They started noticing me. Have you ever felt like you don't matter where ever you go? That is the struggle of my life. This past week has been the hardest but yet know one knows that. No one knows what goes on in my life. I walk down the hall and no one cares. I don't need people to care sometimes I just need a friendly hello to know that I belong.
There is one teacher that I work with who goes out of her way to come and make sure I am okay and to help me. She comes and checks on me everyday. She has taken me under wing. I am so thankful for this teacher because without her I am pretty sure I would never want to go back. She calls me on the weekends, she calls me outside of school hours to see how I am doing.
I love teaching! I love to see the I understand Ms. Dallon looks. I love to see the Ms. Dallon where do you come from look because we don't understand why you are so excited about science and history. I love my kiddos all 28 of them I know that no matter what at least they forgive me and we can still be friends at the end of the day. Teaching is hard but I wouldn't change it for anything in the world. They love a student has for their teacher is the most amazing love you will ever feel! It is what makes the hard days worth it! It is what makes the long weeks worth it. They energy they have the spunk. I love watching them grow and learning with them. I love my job, even if I am a one man band!
On to my next adventure! Play hard, run harder and go run a half marathon! Over and Out! Peace Out Cub Scout!

FEAR IS REAL

Have you ever been so scared you couldn't move? Fear came over my entire body. Worry filled my mind. She pounded on the door and rang the doorbell for an hour and a half. She moved to my bedroom window. I went to the closet to call my roommate we hid in the bathroom. We looked at each other and said what do we do. We called non emergency dispatch and the police came over, that lady stayed on the phone with me until the officer got here. He talked like my Uncle Spencer so I knew he was the police! He was there to let us know we were safe. He left and not ten minutes later it happened again, we got a look at the woman. Our hearts were pounding we were shaking. We called the non emergency dispatch again and the officer came back but this time with 4 other officers. We sat on the couch and watch two shows. The time passed ever so slowly as my heart was pounding and my body shaking I just remember the fear. I have never felt that kind of fear. The fear that fills your whole body! I never again want to fill it again. I will never forget that moment. I didn't feel safe but I knew I was the officers were right outside. Fear is real! Our privacy felt like it was violated. A night of no sleep is what that came to be. I can't explain the fear I felt. We stayed on the couches together the rest of the night. Thank you to all the officers out there who protect everyday. That was the scariest thing of my life. Heavenly Father definitely protects us. He was there for us when we were so scared. I could feel his love while I was laying on the couch. I don't know if they found the crazy lady, but I do know that I was safe even though I didn't feel it. The officers were right outside. Fear is real never laugh at someone's fear it is a real thing and everyone has different demons to face.

I'm off to my next adventure! Peace out cub scout. Over and out! Work hard, play hard and run harder.  ALWAYS REMEMBER TO LOCK YOUR DOORS!!!