What a whirl wind

 Hello Blogger Fam! 

Week two has come and gone here on Grouse Creek. People ask how it is and I tell them what they want to hear and then my neighbor always ask so I always tell her the truth I don’t think she is ready for the reality of how rough it is. She is on the school board mind you. My mom said you need to start being positive. Me okay everything’s awesome I love it! Wahoo! 

Come on now let’s be honest! I’m not saying my life is harder than anyone else’s. I’m not saying it’s easy. I’m just saying it’s a little mediocre right now. Kind of unraveling if you will. But this too shall pass. BRIGHT SIDE I REMEMBERED A FLASH LIGHT!

I am so sick of having to lie and tell people everything fine I’m happy I’m doing great when the reality is…. I’m living in a constant fear am I going to get eaten alive by mice tonight is there a spider that’s going to eat me. Why do these people hate me? I’m doing the best with the hand I was dealt and clearly right now it is a struggle but I’m giving it my all and the best that I can. Last Friday, on my way home I hit highway 30 and this peace just filled my heart the fear had left my body and the spirit came back to my life. I knew without a doubt I was almost safe! Almost, I was almost home. Almost to a safe space. 

Grouse Creek is a wonderful place and I am truly lucky to be able to be the teacher out here but the struggles and heartache is rough! I know right now you are saying, Jill you are overreacting, to you that may be true. Right now I don’t think so but as I look back on this experience I am sure I will say to myself you were a fool. Right now all I can say is Heavenly Father please let me live to see another day and not a mouse. Please keep mice out of my car and away from me. 

As many of you know I am terrified of animals and I mean terrified. If you didn’t know now you do. I start to hyperventilate and then cry, panic and then if you touch me or try to calm me down from the behind, I start hitting you not because I want to hit because I think you are an animal trying to kill me. Because in my mind that’s what’s happening. 

Last week there was a spider and I called my dad 160 miles away to come and kill it and of course he egging me on in my irrational fear I know. I started to panic more so I called the bus driver to come and kill it. This wasn’t just a baby spider it was huge massive black widow going to kill me. The bus driver came he drove 11 miles on a dirt road to get rid of it for me. He didn’t laugh at me when he had every reason to. He came with his wife and even she was like that’s huge! Now he calls me spider girl and I don’t care! I am grateful to that man to come to my rescue when I thought I was going to die and all I could think about was I’m going to die and they don’t make yellow headstones yet. Thank kind bus driver! I will never forget and never be able to thank you enough! 

Here is now what you were waiting for the second week update. It was better than last week. I actually had a place to stay. I went to a community event that was fun someone asked me if I knew my brother but you must relies there are two people the same age with the same name just a different letter changed in the last name. I asked which one and he looked at me like what’s wrong with you, you either have a brother or you don’t so I had to explain myself. Come to find out it really was my brother! Someone from where my brother works knows someone out here. So that’s awesome. I also found the treasury book of the school from many moons ago and I knew a name of a person in that book so I sent a picture to the man’s daughter in law and was like this is so cool! We texted for a minute and then went on our way. I went and watched another teacher teach now my life seems a little easier that I know what is going on. People in education of all places you would think would know people learn differently show me once or twice and I got it. Expected me to read a book to figure it out I got nothing. I finally feel like I can teach here. I’m thankful for the opportunity that had to go see an experienced teacher teach! Not only to learn but to make it to my best friends wedding and to get my henna. My best friend calls me so upset/sad at 5 am no-one can come to my wedding not even you. I said actually I’ll be there I wouldn’t miss it for the world. I was grateful the stars aligned for me to go Friday to watch this teacher teach, so I could get everything I wanted to and needed to done. It was a crazy week and even crazier weekend. But it was worth it. Update on the housing situation no idea but hey a couch is better than nothing! 

Until next week! Send Coke! I mean that with all seriousness or grape crush is accepted too. 😉

I am off to my next adventure. When life gets hard, drink a coke.😊  And don’t forget to pray because sometimes that’s all you have. Until, next time, Peace Out Cub Scout. Work hard, play harder, RUN YOUR HEART OUT! Pray a little louder! Never lose sight of the end goal! Keep the Faith! Peace and Love! Over and Out! 

My Miracle

Hello Blogger Fam! 

This post is real and raw with a lot of emotion.

Have you ever been homeless or felt homeless? Well, it doesn’t feel great. I want to tell you about the last week of my life it truly is a miracle. I started a new job and couldn’t have been more excited or thrilled. Here is my first weeks update. 

Hey! I thought you might like a week one update. Well, I legitimately started the week homeless and I mean literally homeless living at the school and praying for a miracle! I was almost ready to quit and be like this isn’t for me I’m out I’m out! I didn’t because let’s be real we know I can’t quit on these kids, I stayed. I found a couch to crash on for a few weeks and it’s quite a nice couch haha. Better than motion lights and the floor haha. It’s an adventure out here my coworkers are alright they take good care of me in a non weird way. We are a just a little family out here in the middle of nowhere but you know what, I wouldn’t change it for the world. The tears were rough and fierce but they come and go. I am learning how tough I truly am! Do I miss the city yea I do. But at least this is where I am meant to be for a little while! Something out being in the middle of nowhere changes the way you look at life! New perspective I guess! 

Now, I must tell you about the love of the savior I have felt this past week. I have felt the prayers of my homeward family and the pleas of my heart. I have felt the prayers of others who love and care about me too! I have been lifted up on the hardest days. I  have felt the face plants and scraps of the world too but I never once should have doubted that I was loved or ever forgotten. 

This week hasn’t been easy nor is a week ever easy some are easier than others and  that is true too. Short week this week and then only 4 days from here!

Friday, I am lucky enough to go to the temple for my best friends sealing if you would have asked me if I would ever love this girl I would have said never she wronged me and I never let go of a grudge. I never met someone who was so alone and need a friend more than her. I don’t think it was her who needed a friend it was me. My father in heaven knew it and he needed me to trust him at that point in my life to let her in 9 years ago. 

Over this week and last I have learned so much! I learned that I am tough and I can do many things. I know that if I don’t give up on someone who never gave up on me I’ll always end up where I need to go. 

Today I read a book to my students a book I have read many times but today it made the silent tears fall because I knew that the words were true in this book! “I’m off to great places.” Dr. Seuss speaks to the heart. It hit my heart today it jerked at the heart strings.

Life is hard I’m not telling you it is easy but I’m telling you it is worth it! I can honestly say I’ve felt so alone and no one cares and those were the days my miracle happen. I prayed for a miracle and I got one maybe not the one I wanted but I truly got a miracle. 

I am off to my next adventure. When life gets hard, drink a coke.😊  And don’t forget to pray. Until, next time, Peace Out Cub Scout. Work hard, play harder, RUN YOUR HEART OUT! Never lose sight of the end goal! Keep the Faith! Peace and Love! Over and Out!  

The End of a Chapter

 Hello Blogger Fam! 

As I write today it is a bittersweet moment as I come to the end of a chapter. I am spreading my wings to fly and to leave the toxicity behind. I am so grateful for the people who told me straight that I needed to get out and move on. I am so appreciative to the people who pushed me to find a job and to the ones who helped me find a job. I am so thankful for the past four years and all the things I have learned and opportunities I have had to grow. I am thankful for the people who believed in me and never gave up on me even when I gave up on myself. I am so grateful for the love and support I have from my family and friends. I am thankful for my students and the love they showed me. I never knew that you could love something so much that when they leave it hurts. I love to see them succeed.I am so thankful for my coworkers who have been there through the hard times, the good times and the tears. They were there when people chewed me up, spit me out and stomped on me. They listened to the struggles they left sweet notes on my desk to lift up my spirits. I am truly the luckiest teacher around because I have truly met some of the most amazing people.

I wouldn't change the last four years for anything in the world. It has helped shape me into the person I have become. It has made me a better person. It taught me to be careful who you trust and confide in. It taught me that when no one is on your side Heavenly Father is. He will send people into your life when you need them the most. He will never leave you alone no matter how alone you feel. I am truly lucky to be me and to close this chapter and to start a new one! 

Here’s to closing a chapter and opening a new one. 

I am off to my next adventure. When life gets hard, drink a coke. 😊 Until, next time, Peace Out Cub Scout. Work hard, play harder, RUN YOUR HEART OUT! Never lose sight of the end goal! Keep the Faith! Peace and Love! Over and Out! 

Scared

 Hello Blogger Fam! 

I wrote this one Friday.

Two posts in a week. I am sure you are thinking about what is happening to this girl. Well, today it hit me when someone said, "You're nearing the end of this adventure. Getting ready to start your new one."  It was a man who doesn't say much but he listens and he doesn't make you feel dumb or stupid. He said it with so much love. I never knew walking away from something I love could be this hard. I know change is hard but I didn't think it would be this hard to leave. I know change is a part of life and we need to have experiences and find out who we truly are. 

I am so excited for this next chapter in my life. Honestly, I am so scared to leave everything. I am scared to leave my safe little space in a town I never thought I would live, my morning routine, talks at the gym Monday, Wednesday and Friday. I even asked my gym people if we could still be friends after I leave for this new adventure. He looked at me and said without missing a beat, "What kind of question is that? Of course." 

I am truly happy with the person I am becoming but I am so scared to take a leap of faith and go to the middle of nowhere with little cell phone service. But at least there is wifi and that is always a bonus! 

I am so lucky and thankful to embark on this new adventure and to find happiness again and find the beauty of the world again. It's an open country out there and I am so excited to fully see the stars and everything else. Be thankful for the simple things in life! 

I am off to my next adventure. When life gets hard, drink a COKE. 😊 Until next time, Peace Out Cub Scout. Work hard, play harder, RUN YOUR HEART OUT! Never lose sight of the end goal.  Keep the Faith! Peace and Love! Over and Out!  

New Life Adventure

 Hello Blogger Fam,

What a crazy roller coaster my life has been. I have been looking for a new job for the next school year. Not because I hate my job, I don't. I love my job with my whole heart. It is just time for a change. I am so thankful for my fan club at the gym that pushed me to look for a job so I could find happiness again. I would like to go back to February. That is when my interviewing started and for once in my life I thought something great was going to happen and I was going to get something that I wanted. Well, three months later I finally got the no. After many no's and telling my fan club at the gym every time I had an interview and every no. Finally, in April on a Monday one of them said after I said I got another no without missing a beat. You SUCK, you should have gotten a job by now, you suck at interviewing. It caught me off guard and he was right. My response, we already knew that clearly. He said he would help me and practice mock interviews with me. After he said that I wasn't mad because I knew he said it because he cares. I asked him in passing if he was serious about helping me and he said yes. I went about my life and my business as usual for the week. I applied for jobs that Tuesday and had a call within an hour of applying, I got  a call for an interview, set up for the next day. Interview so I thought it was a hot mess well guess what! I got the job! It is a very rural area and I couldn't be more excited! I went out and saw the school and met the people. It is going to be a great change and a life changing adventure. Am I sad to leave where I am? But I am ready for this new life adventure! I am ready for the excitement and the learning and growing experience it will be. 

I am so grateful for my family and friends that are supporting me on this new life adventure. I am so thankful to my gym fan club for believing in me enough to push me to look for a new job and for being there for me through the ups and down. The text messages that said I got another no. 

This year has been a really hard year. Just things have happened and things were said, I knew it was time to look for a new adventure and I found one, well this one found me. 

I am so thankful for the time I have had where I am and where I have been. I am thankful for all the things I have learned and the teacher I have become. But I am truly excited for this new adventure.

When life gets hard, drink a COKE! 😊

I am off to my next adventure. Until next time, Peace Out Cub Scout. Work hard, Play Harder, RUN YOUR HEART OUT!  Never lose sight of the end goal. Keep the Faith! Peace and Love! Over and Out!

It is okay to go visit…. But not to stay.

Hello Blogger Fam,

What a crazy month it has been and it still is going strong. You know the days when life is hard and you say tomorrow will be better? Well, this month has been one of those days for a month until someone was brave enough to call and say "This isn't the happy girl I know." The moment the person said that was the moment I cried for the last time for being in the deep dark hole that I couldn't get out of. The moment they said that was the moment I knew no one could pull me out by myself. I am a strong independent woman and I am the ruler of my life.  I knew that I had no one in my corner. I knew I was alone. I knew that my students didn't deserve the teacher they were having, they deserve the happy teacher who loves them. Not the one that has to force herself to love them because she can't love herself. That day I turned to my Heavenly Father in tears sobbing about my problems and how hard my life is and why I don't understand why it is happening to me. I don't understand why I am still single at 31, in the society in which we live, there is something wrong with me and you know what it's true. You know I got answers maybe not the ones I truly wanted or what I wanted to hear. But I am so thankful for the people in my life who are willing to have hard conversations with me because they love me and care about me and they are willing to listen. I have been so frustrated at the world, my job and just at life itself. Why because it just seems so unfair because my two best friends are getting married and I am just single. Why is everyone happy and not me well I can tell you the answer that I know it is because I am choosing to be upset at the world and once I get out of that my life will turn around and be what I want it to be. Someone once told me that you can go and visit that place of emotion but you can't stay there it is a dangerous road. I honestly can't remember who said that to me but it is true. I made up my mind yesterday that I was going to get out of this place. I am doing better I am still not 100% but I am getting there. I am so thankful for my life and for all the people I have in my life that truly care and love me. 

When life gets hard, drink a COKE! 😊

I am off to my next adventure. Until next time, Peace Out Cub Scout. Work hard, Play Harder, RUN YOUR HEART OUT!  Never lose sight of the end goal. Keep the Faith! Peace and Love! Over and Out!

Hello 2023

 Hello Blogger Fam! 

Can you believe it is 2023! Welcome to a new adventure! I wish I could say I have something profound to say for the new year but I don't. I do want to tell you about a new adventure I am going to embarc on. 

I have finally reached the age where I am too old for the YSA ward so they say you can go to a family ward or to the mid singles so I decided to try the mid singles because why not go and be the fresh meat on the market right. Well, I went yesterday... A boy walked in and I said in my head that is so and so. I know him. We went to high school together, we were in the same stake growing up. He wouldn't know me from Adam. But I knew someone was there it would make it easier for me to go. Does he know how grateful I am that he was there no, did I say hi no, I didn't want to interrupt his conversation with the other person. Did he recognize me? I don't know but at least I knew him and that helped me know that this mid singles ward wasn't scary and it is the place I need to be. 

I have been so scared to leave the YSA ward because it has become my family. I have never found a ward where I am truly loved for who I am. I am accepted even for my weirdness. I am so thankful for my time in the YSA ward and all the things I have learned and the friendships I have made. Sometimes the scariest thing to do is what we need to do the most.

I am off to a new adventure! Here is to 2023 may it be the best year yet! 

When life gets hard, drink a COKE! 😊

I am off to my next adventure. Until next time Peace Out Cub scout. Work hard, Play harder, RUN YOUR HEART OUT! Never lose sight of the end goal. Keep the Faith! Peace and Love! Over and Out!