No one understands the pain of my heart, only my Father in heaven. He has been there through the tears and heart ache. He knows what I am capable of he knows that this struggle is what I need in my life right now. My heart is aching, tears fall every night and no one is aware it is like I am invisible and don't matter. I know that I matter to someone. I don't get notice in the halls at school I am just another body. I wish that I was at home because there I got hugged at least once a day and someone told me they loved me and I always knew that I mattered. I never had to worry about that. We said family prayer every morning. My parents would wake up in the mornings even when they could sleep in just to pray with me. They never once gave up on me. Even when I gave up on myself.
I remember a time I was truly happy in life it isn't right now because back then I didn't cry all the time only when something went wrong or when I was extremely hungry. I have learned what I want in a future husband, what kind of family life they need.
The pain in my heart is so strong. I pray to Heavenly Father to have him take some of it away and he does but there is still that burden that I carry. No one will understand how I am feeling because I cannot describe it in words to you. I have never hit rock bottom in my life like this. I have always felt worthless but not like this. I want to be the person that someone looks up to and says I hope one day to be as awesome as her.
I wrote this during anatomy Fall 2015 when everything seemed impossible.
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